The Office

Chet: Where did you graduate from? UC…
Jon: LA.
"What did you major in?
"So you wanted to be a teacher."

Bossman: Order 13647. Did we pack it nicely?
Jon: 13647… Is that the John Mayer one?
"Different John Mayer. Our John Mayer lives in Virgi—oh. Billing address in Virginia. Shipped to southern California. Still…"
"I know he lives in that area."

Jon: I hate this soap dispenser. The foaming pump ejaculates soap all over the counter. Does foamed soap clean that much better?

"Also, what kind of scent is 'pear'?"

—it's that john mayer

—did you spend all afternoon trying to confirm his identity?

Jon: Who's been eating my cookies?
Owen: Your cookies?
"I called dibs on the…whatever type this is."

"You can't call dibs on the tastiest ones. It's not fair!"
"All's fair in…Danish butter cookie…variety tin…eating."

i need an emo or scene girlfriend now

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