Date Archives September 2009

The Human Centipede

In The Human Centipede, Dr. Heiter is a surgeon whose specialty is separating Siamese twins. Dr. Heiter decides to evolve his craft by sewing together living beings together at the "mucous-cutaneous zone" (guess) in order to create Siamese triplets with a single digestive system. [source]…

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Yom Kippur

or: when I realized that most of my daily reads are written by Jews What is that? Noodle kugel. Egg noodles, ricotta cheese…apples? Raisins? Ick. At Whole Foods, I also stumbled upon sparkling energy water. Mix it with alcoholic spring water for a water Vodka…

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Red Letter Day

At the post office today, I discovered Gluguls – "alien glue sticks from another world" who "love to have exciting adventures with their kid-owners." Each Glugul glue stick "has its own special power." For example, one can glue shit together. Another can stick shit together….

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I Am Legend

Please don't let I Am Legend to happen. A protest sign at the Values Voter Conference in Washington • The U.S. Government might nuke Chicago, IL on Tuesday, 9/22/2009. • Decipher the Dialogue in the Bootleg 'Expendables' Trailer

Lemonade

"That's all?" "How long have you been working there?" "Two years and four months." "And you've never asked for a raise?" "Am I supposed to? I thought…" "Do you receive any benefits?" "No. Well, paid vacation. It's a small company." "Ask for a raise." "Yes,…

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Chilaquiles

My bags were thoroughly searched thrice at Pearson. Apparently, I look like a drug trafficker. Look, fuckhead, if I wanted to transport Canadian pot to California, I would transport it from British Columbia, not Toronto! Moreover, if I was transporting pot, I wouldn't transport it…

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