Nickelback, The Fray and Crüe Fest 2

I didn't realize how much I missed Seal Beach. Good times…

Soarin' Over California is even lamer than I'd heard.

Disney should be super-meta and erect a miniature California Adventure inside California Adventure.

I thought California was devoid of Chick-fil-As. Nope. Just the places I've lived. Karma for being a heathen, I suppose.

Back to full strength on Monday. Berkeley on Tuesday. Toronto in September.

The Unofficial Thomas Pynchon Guide to Los Angeles

Today was a waste of a laundered shirt

Michigan State is one of five teams to have never played a Division I-AA [football] opponent since the NCAA adopted the division setup in 1978 (the others being USC, UCLA, Washington and Notre Dame).

But the Spartans fall off the list Sept. 5 when they play host to I-AA Montana State. [source]

UCLA just scheduled a football home-and-home with Rutgers in 2016-17 and is reportedly considering one with Duke.

We might as well begin scheduling I-AA opponents.

Michigan State is like the middle child of rivalries.

Penn State is a manufactured rival, while Michigan is "rivally" associated with Ohio State, and Notre Dame with USC.

Texas' football home opener against Louisiana-Monroe is a $29.95 pay-per-view event.

This game is designed to demonstrate the potential consequences of texting on your driving ability
Personal Urns use "advances in facial reconstruction and 3D printing" to create an urn in the image of anyone's head

Paid Appetizements


"God bless fantasy football. There are many things a man can do with his time. This is better than those things."

FX has quietly begun production on The League, a semi-improvised comedy [that] revolves around a group of thirtysomething guys in a fantasy football league.

[Mumblecore icon] Mark Duplass stars along with Nick Kroll, Paul Scheer, Leslie Bibb and Nadine Velazquez.

Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm producer Jeff Schaffer co-created with his wife. [source]


"In our attempt to honor the troops coming back from Iraq, we try and put on a wrestling match and 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper is appearing in that. He's playing a down on his luck wrestler called Da Maniac.

All great wrestling performers had a good entrance song, so we've written our own entrance song about the Birds of War, which is what we call ourselves." [source]


Something horrifying happens in [the] season two premiere. Yes, something worse and more distressing that the castration or the blowtorch tattoo removal in season one. [source]

30 minutes have elapsed

Oh Gawd… WWE is exhuming DX again for SummerSlam.

The announcers are slurping Shaq hard.

Jeremy Piven is guest hosting Raw next week? Can't wait to hear the blow jay he receives.

Whoa. Anthony Bourdain is eating oysters with Snoop from The Wire.

Michael Vick's face naturally looks evil. If he had Will Smith's face, he would've been reinstated unconditionally.

Bill Simmons is making connections no one else does
Amusing Ourselves to Death

When the only true messiah rescues us from ourselves

MC Chris is performing at this year's Gathering of the Juggalos?

Ice Cube too.

GWAR, Coolio, Vanilla Ice, Pauly Shore, a comedy set by "Rowdy" Roddy Piper – this is like a Surreal Life festival.

Dan Patrick's radio show uses surreal bumper music. I've heard Thrice's "Deadbolt" and Sunny Day Real Estate's "In Circles" and a bunch of screamo – Thursday, Finch.

This is the story of a girl
who cried a river and drowned the whole world
and while she looked so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
when she smiles

The change in verb tense is awkward. It sounds like she's dead, but he loves her when she smiles.

3:15-3:40 of Green Day's "21 Guns" – that is the theme song to Full House!

Everywhere you look…

Depeche Mode's "People Are People" and Tears for Fears' "Shout" are the same song.

also features "an original composition inspired by the music of 30 Seconds to Mars"

Ways I've Let Down Popular Musicians
Beastie Boys: Sabotage Yourself

Cheated on Geno's with a soda at Pat's

I learned that my father does not like strawberry-flavoured yogurt.

"How can you not like strawberry yogurt? That's like hating vanilla ice cream!"

He prefers peach- and cherry-flavoured yogurt.

"CHERRY YOGURT? Who eats cherry yogurt? Cherry is a beverage flavouring!"

I dreamt about visiting a Choco Taco factory and seeing how they are made. My sweet tooth is out of control.

Dave on Top Chef 1: "I'm not your bitch, bitch!"
Joseph on Hell's Kitchen 6: "I'm not no bitch!"

I wish DXD would air reruns of Bug Juice. For now, Endurance reruns "@DK" suffice.

I'm surprised that Hollywood has not adapted My Teacher Is an Alien yet.

Reality Show Idea: Fat people investigate paranormal activity.

—16 and fat

A list of all the movies currently being shown on the Lifetime networks
they show both A Face to Die For and A Face to Kill For


This moon landing anniversary is interminable, and it's only the 40th. I dread July 2019.


The woman in front of me approached the open register with one item.

She stopped at Whole Foods to buy maxi pads?

Hole Fluids. Heh.

I squeegee windshields like I shave my face
Back and to the left (wait, that's JFK)
Too close for comfort like that Buffalo Sabe
Creating a puddle for Larisa Oley, nigga.

Gasoline-Huffing Man Bursts Into Flame After Being Tased