Papa Boner


Poker in HD is why people hate America.

I did not know that Women's Tournament bracket pools existed.

Heh. The winner of ESPN's Men's Tournament pool receives more money than the winner of the Women's pool.

Disney is negotiating to take an equity stake in Hulu. In exchange, Disney would provide episodes of ABC shows. [source]

This deal boils down to how much Hulu wants to add Lost, because you can watch Lost via ABC's web site either way, and ABC's HD Streaming looks sharper than Hulu's 480p Hi-Res.

Meanwhile, The Big Bang Theory continues to hold out on full episode streaming of any kind.

You would think a show about nerds would be readily available to nerds.

The Big Bang Theory is MTV and is Canada prior to 2001.

I saw an ad for 12 Rounds that blurbed a few critics.

"Jeffrey Lyons of ReelTalk said, 'Move over Jackie Chan.'"


The new inspirational dating competition series MORE TO LOVE follows a guy with a big waist as he romances several plus-size women. [source]

How is this inspirational? Fat people losing weight is inspirational. Fat people dating each other is life in the South.

I liked it better when it was the sitcom Babes.

Idea: Jon and Kate Plus 8000 Pounds.

Make Something Cool Every Day 2009
Motorbot Mutt
Julia Roberts According to IMDb

With God on our side

I will resist a gorilla comparison.

Bud Light's "_____ bad, drinkability good" ads ape Southwest's "wanna get away?" ads, and CBS has been airing them back-to-back.

UConn's uniforms are hideous. They look like a conservative designed them.

Rick Pacino

Bill Hader on rejected Saturday Night Live sketches involving Al Pacino:

One that we tried to get on as a digital short, but Standards and Practices said we couldn't do […]

Let's just say there's a video on the Internet that has a very identifiable name. Al Pacino watching that.

The idea was that Gene Hackman sent him that video, and he goes, "Gene and I, we have the same sense of humour, this is gonna be funny," and then watching it and going, "WHAT THE HELL?!" [source]

Al Pacino watches "2 Girls 1 Cup."


Better yet: Variations on Al Pacino watching "2 Girls 1 Cup."

As Michael Corleone.
As Tony Montana.
As an irascible blind man.
As Satan.
As Shylock.
As Big Boy Caprice.
As an undercover gay leather fetishist.

Roy Williams, Rick Pitino, Bob Knight, Mike Krzyzewski and…Metallica.

You dig the tunnel, I'll hide the soil

As a service to select tortured readers, I set up a

non-annoying RSS feed

which will filter out all future AWT videos and college basketball-related posts.

Okay then…

SARASOTA COUNTY, FL — Sarasota County Deputies have arrested a woman who videotaped herself having sex with two dogs.

Deputies say Caroline Willette videotaped herself having sex with two dogs and watching child pornography with a friend. [source]

All that's missing is a corpse. Taboo hat trick!

Justine Lai is painting herself having sex with each US President, in chronological order
Nightmare Playgrounds, Part 3
Cinema's Most Dramatic Typing Scenes


Greg Paulus, you will be missed.

Should GM continue contributing to collegiate scholarship funds? Chevrolet's scholarship program burns $2000 per college basketball game, and $128,000 on the NCAA DI tournament alone.

Add another $1000 for the Pontiac game-changing performance of the tournament.

Every time I see an "I'm a PC, and I'm cute and underage" ad, I think of child stars and picture said PCs as troubled teenage Macs.

I was flipping through an issue of Spin from 1998 (Eric Cartman as Janet Jackson on the cover) and saw a photo of Alec Empire (Atari Teenage Riot) with a scar on the outside of his right forearm the length of his right forearm.

What happened to your arms? There are, like, matching ten-inch wounds running down them.

It happened in Seattle. We had problems with the PA guy; he kept turning us down. We left the stage three times and I was getting pissed off and the audience was getting completely violent. At some point, I took a razor blade and cut myself on both sides. There was blood all over. When I got off stage everybody was going "Hey Alec…," because the meat was going like [makes lip-smacking sound]."

I wonder how he reacts when television stations obnoxiously lower the volume between commercial breaks.

The actor who played Jimmy Brooks on Degrassi: The Next Generation now raps under the moniker "Drake."

Whatever, right?

According to The Globe and Mail, however:

» his mentor is Lil Wayne
» he worked on Dr. Dre's album Detox
» Stevie Wonder warms up for shows to the first song he ever recorded
» his latest leaked track is a Wayne-assisted remix of Santigold's "Unstoppable"

He's Jewish too. A rare black Jewish rapper.

Whoa. Shyne is a practicing Jew?

ON NOTICE: Taco Bell, for discontinuing spicy chicken. The spicy chicken soft taco was the best item on its menu.

More-Realistic Names for Chex Party Mix (Based on My Personal Experience)
McDonald's Tests Big Mac in a Tortilla
IKEA Concept Car
Idaho teacher sells advertising space on tests
Boldly Going Nowhere pilot script (from the creators of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia)


I just learned about Cold Stone's ice cream cupcakes.

Cold Stone's ice cream is too milky for my taste, but a chocolate shell, cake, ice cream, frosting and a topping?


Sometime last fall, I inexplicably developed a sweet tooth, one which has since ballooned into somewhat of a psychological demon.

Before, I was indifferent. Now, not a day passes that I don't crave the sweetness, which is problematic because I'm neurotic about gaining weight and diabetes runs in my family.

I've been infatuated with oatmeal raisin cookies all week…

I exhaust my willpower trying to resist feeding the demon, but I desperately need to level up.

Last last Saturday, I devoured two chocolate croissants for brunch and a brownie mud pie (four iced brownies, three scoops of coffee ice cream, hot fudge, caramel sauce, whipped cream and candied peanuts) at dinner.

Why? I don't know.

I've also driven to Safeway a few times after 2:00 a.m. for a cookie fix (I can't keep cookies in my house).

I wish I could self-induce an allergy to chocolate or dairy.

My Kryptonite is Mon Ami Gabi's chocolate pecan tart. I'm glad I don't live near one because I'd be tempted to indulge every day.

I found the recipe online, however. Fortunately, I dislike cooking.

99 Seinfeld References
Rob Corddry's Bill Cosby Impersonation on Twitter
6 foot tall anatomically correct sock monkey

The Nouveauviets

Previously on Adam Riff™:
I feel like we've pushed bacon as far as it can go. Enough already. What's left?

The meme reaches its logical conclusion.

(as seen at the inaugural BaconCamp in San Francisco this past weekend)

Stuff white people like: Bacon camps.

If you search for "obama bacon," Flickr returns photos of:

Obama's logo re-created with donuts and bacon;
Obama rendered as an anthropomorphic slice of bacon;
"Obama Bacon Man: Video Still: Dance Party";
Danny DeVito stumping for Obama;
and this, whatever it is.

(Google Translate didn't help)

My mother called.

"Jon, what does this word mean: F-O-L-L-I-C-L-E-S?"
"Um… I think it means 'hair.'"

(Biology was my worst subject in school)

"What about this word: O-V-A-R-I-A-N?"

Is this conversation about her vagina?
No, ovaries are in the uterus. (I think)
How do I say "uterus" in Mandarin?

"Uh… It's where babies come from."
"Oh. 子宮."


"Wait, hair in my uterus?"
"My uterus is balding?"

a new trailer for Fez
Drunk Guy Plays Super Mario Land

Super Mario Land will turn 20 years old on April 21.


I splashed water on my face and looked in the mirror.

You'll be 27 soon, Jon.

27 and complacent. With a quiet life in suburbia and an unchallenging job.

27 and complacent with being complacent. Ambitious but aimless. Interested in everything, passionate about nothing.

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

31 and complacent.

Shit, you'll be 31 soon, Jon.

Crabcakes and Lawnmowers

"Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co–workers to communicate and stay connected."

Or it's a manual RSS feed.

Sure are a lot of pastors who tweet.

Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel read and discuss Where the Wild Things Are

I saw this on Gabrielle Union's IMDb message board:

I know being politically correct is the way to go these days, but I'm going to say it anyway. I think its time for Gabrielle to do a movie with hot sex scenes. I cant think of any actress out there that HASNT done one. I respect her acting ability and her preference for doing comedies, but we all know she is drop dead gorgeous and she knows it too. If Helen Mirren can do a sex scene, I think Gabrielle can. [source]

The same chap wrote this on Dominique Swain's board:

Is there a difference between the R rated version of Lolita and the unrated difference? The version I have, theres not much sex at all although they promote graphic sex scenes. [source]

I wonder how many people die each year in CBS primetime. Almost every promo I see for shows on "America's most watched network" involves murder.

I caught a Dunkin' Donuts ad in which a father prevents a television from abducting his children by diverting their attention with donuts. Sends a mixed message, no?

At Whole Foods, I saw a "fair trade vegan brownie" on sale. Doesn't sound like a confection that'd be much fun to hang out with.

How is The Biggest Loser still on television? Who is tuning in to watch fat people work out and cry for two hours every week? This is how you use your time?

I don't wear my glasses when I run.

While running yesterday, I thought I saw conjoined twins in a black sweater approaching me.

Turns out it was just a large mailbox.

For me, The Last House on the Left and The Haunting in Connecticut blur together like The Haunting (of Hill House) and The House on the Haunted Hill, which opened three months apart in 1999.

I like "Bizarre Love Triangle," but I'm not sure that it's a good song.

Rorschach Cake
5 Dragonball "Character Spots" Ranked In Order Of Awfulness
covers are arranged horizontally by time, and vertically by color

Dance in my blood

I can't stop laughing at this photograph.

This one is good too.

Idea: The Agony of Defeat, a photo tumblelog.

It's kinda cruel how ingloriously a senior college basketball player typically ends his career. You lose…and then disappear.

Idea: A Color Me Badd biopic starring college basketball stars.

B.J. Mullens as Bryan Abrams

Um… Patrick Sparks as Sam Watters?

Hershey's is an odd partner for the NCAA. I can understand Enterprise Rent-a-Car and Papa John's, but candy?

This year's Pitt team may be the fattest team to ever win a championship.

Jamie Dixon reminds me of Dracula Mr. Burns.

Suspected vampires:
Gregg Popovich
Eric Devendorf

"Now the father of a 9-month-old daughter, Devendorf said he's conscious of trying to be a better role model."

Would you rather be Nate Robinson's son or Eric Devendorf's daughter?

Blake Griffin's mother is no Stephen Curry's mother.

"Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?"

Virginity rates among students by major
The 20 Most Deranged & Offensive NES ROM Hacks
was the graphic designer serious when he created that logo??
the gayest horror film ever made
if Bruce Wayne's parents weren't killed, he would have grown up to be the most boring motherfucker on the planet
Overly Judgmental IE6 Splash Pages

Two sips from the cup of human kindness and I'm shitfaced

One point, missed buzzer-beater – whatevs. I needed this win after a particularly dispiriting week. Nova is house money.

10:05 a.m. PT on a Saturday? Oof.

During February's Michigan at Connecticut game, Stephen Bardo mentioned "Motown magic" (or something).

During Thursday's Michigan vs. Clemson game, Tim Brando mentioned "the fans back in Detroit" (or something).

Dear announcers:
The University of Michigan is not located in Detroit. In fact, it is nowhere near Detroit. You cannot link Detroit to Ann Arbor the way you can, say, Phoenix to Tempe.

Outback Steakhouse: It's just like visiting Australia!

During the Gonzaga vs. Akron game, Kevin Harlan noted that Akron player Anthony Hitchens' nickname is "Humpty" because his favourite song as a child was "The Humpty Dance."

He then added: "That brings back memories of my wedding night."


No sex please: An asexual life
why newspapers shouldn't allow comments