Hallmark Hall of Fame…

Tebow has Zellweger/Federer Face. I just want to unpinch it.

If Tim Tebow and Tyler Hansbrough mated, imagine the media coverage their child (Tebrough?) would receive.

IDEA: The Comedy Central Roast of Bill Belichick. Substitute Nick Saban or Urban Meyer if necessary.

Excluding basketball players, I've yet to encounter a UConn alum. They are elusive.

Shrek the Musical opens on Broadway on Sunday.

Why couldn't I just hide behind a puppet?

I hear the actor who plays Donkey wears a generic donkey costume.

RELATED: Serj Tankian co-wrote a musical based on the ancient Greek tale of Prometheus.

I bought a case of Pomegranate 7UP on a whim and realized after one sip that I should've bought Cranberry Sierra Mist instead.

Pomegranates receive way more play in the food-and-drink world than they deserve. Does Scott Boras represent them?

If fruit had agents…

"Acai berries sign with Boras."

HOW EXCITED ARE YOU?

—I hate you
—why?
—I was going to have anal sex tonight and then I had to go and watch your stupid 1 jar video
—hornblower's video
—whatever
—I'm afraid my dick might burst in her like a glass jar
—or she will have something shoved up there to cut it up

Yup, these are our readers.

• Observation, 1:57 P.M.
• The Last Straw is a social network for WD-40 fans and enthusiasts
• the real fun starts when his buddy accidentally slams his head into the pool table