NSFW, DAVE.
—i think i may be slightly bi-polar
—you think?
—you're the only guy I know with mood swings
My boss asked me to collect some debts for him.
Beats filing, I suppose.
At lunch today, I saw an Indian guy discard unfinished sandwich bread.
I cringe when people waste bread. Bread is delicious! The crust is the best part of a pizza!
"But carbs…"
[groan] Shut up! You too, "but high fructose corn syrup…" contingent! It's possible to consume both and still see your wiener.
Given a choice between a baguette and a three-star steakhouse, I'd choose the baguette in a heartbeat.
initial reaction: Goddammit, Sonic!
then: Oh. "Contains no fried ice cream." Lame!
Lately, after zipping up my fly after peeing, I frequently feel a bit of urine trickle down my left thigh. 
I was going to see an advance screening last night of House Bunny, but I couldn't go.
as I'm in the bus heading home, I get a phone call from Kiko, my date to the movie.
kiko: "hey, I'm at the movie, in line at the concession stands. guess who is standing next to me? shawn michaels."
"And then…I'm gonna see The House Bunny!"
^ inside wrestling
Idea: At the Movies with Bela Karolyi and the Iron Sheik.
The sports director for the Icelandic National Broadcasting Service told me that the handball team's preliminary game against Denmark drew nearly 60 percent of the country's 100,000 televisions, and that the game attracted a share of about 100.
Meaning every TV set that was turned on in the country was tuned to handball. [source]
• Soulja Boy Presents…. Rich Nigga Shit Part 1
• the limited edition Obama Run DC shirt
• The presumptive nominee of the Democrats is…rocking a Blackberry 8700? With the PLASTIC case?
• Is "Saved by the Bell" the only show where the nerd was actually best friends with the cool kids?
First off, when you come to Adam Riff Dot Com and the first thing you see when the page loads is a shirtless man with "PENIS MASSAGE" in large type, that might be deemed questionable by some employers.
Second off, what about David Silver in 90210? That kid was a super nerd, then his best friend shot himself accidentally. He eventually got in good with the cool crowd, but he was a complete geek at the start, and you know everyone still thought of him as a geek.