Wanderlust

Charles Barkley: 1 Dwyane, 2 Ernie, 3 Kenny, Stan.
[dialing]
?: Las Vegas Hilton SuperBook. Stan speaking.
Barkley: Stan! It's Charles!
Stan: Hey! What's up?
Barkley: I want to propose a bet.
Stan: I thought you quit gambling.
Barkley: This isn't gambling. This is betting.
Stan: Ah. Betting. [pause] So what do you propose?
Barkley: "How long until Magic Johnson dies of AIDS?"
Stan: What?
Barkley: I know, I'm turrible, but NutriSystem is expensive! I'd like to be able to retire comfortably.
Stan: And this bet is your cushion.
Barkley: Exactly!
Stan: You're aware that his HIV is more or less in remission, right?
Barkley: [pause] Okay, new bet: "Will Magic Johnson die of AIDS?"
Stan: Chuck…
Barkley: Hold on. I'm receiving a call. [click] Hello?
?: Ian?
Barkley: Who's this?
?: Jay. Your client!
Barkley: Wrong number, son.
J.J. Redick: Oh. Sorry.

Ian: Jay! What's up?
J.J.: Just curious if any European teams showed interest.
Ian: I'm sorry, man. All quiet on that front. Ulysses TLDR and DA Pennebaker considered but passed. Prml Scrm Xtrmntr rescinded its offer to pursue Shawn Kemp. Streptococcus, the Greek club, never returned my calls.
J.J.: [sigh] What about the other thing?
Ian: The poetry book?
J.J.: Yeah.
Ian: I shopped it around but — did you know Laettner writes poetry too?
[pause]
Ian: Hello?
J.J.: [sniff]
Ian: Jay, are you… Are you crying?
J.J.: [sniff] No…
Ian: You better not be hugging that Krzyzewski doll! I told you to destroy it! Bloggers will have field day if a photo ever leaks!

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