"At one point late in the proceedings, Myers has two elephants fucking in the middle of a hockey arena for reasons that eluded me. A sequence of characters hitting each other in the face with mops soaked in piss seems to go on forever. He…

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Previously on Adam Riff™: I'm attending a wedding on Saturday, the first of three this summer. My second cousin Eddie married his college sweetheart on a country club golf course. New rule: Summer weddings must be indoors. Eddie introduced me to wrestling and fantasy sports….

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I checked my watch. 8:20. The man said 8:15. Call a cab, Jon. But I prepaid for a return trip! Even if I can afford to, I'd rather not eat $6. I called the company to check the status of my shuttle. "Please hold." "Your…

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There's a lot of gloating I could do around here. There is. I don't remember Len Bias (I was 6) but I do remember Reggie Lewis. I do remember that I pretty much wrote "RL 35" on all my school books, on my shoes, and…

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Between screenings today, I thought I'd play some roulette. As I approached the roulette tables in the casino, I noticed video roulette machines across the walkway. I lost $20 to a computerized roulette wheel. I'm disgusted with myself. Of course when I bet $5 on…

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I intended on attending SIFF this year, but CineVegas programmed films that interested me more and didn't spread them out over 25 days, so I'm off to Vegas for the third time this year. In order to save $5, I fly out at 6:35 a.m….

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Guess who's back. Consider it the New Order to WankerCounty's Joy Division.

My heart goes out to Tim Russert's family. Too soon?

Previously on Adam Riff™: Like Bruce Banner, Jennifer Connelly's hair keeps changing throughout the movie. Also, in almost every scene, she's crying, and she always cries exactly one teardrop. —should i post this? —i got some lolz —fatty with a hulk hand —that's classic laughs…

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