There Can Only Be One

If the Celtics win, we'll send you the best professional football team L.A. has to offer: the Arena League's Los Angeles Avengers.

If the Lakers win, we get the Patriots.

Oh, and to sweeten the pot, in the event of a Lakers victory you can keep the Patriots' coach. We have a pretty good guy down the street who might be interested in the job – and who probably still has the gear. [source]

Yuk, yuk.

Sports-related mayoral wagering is so lame.

Mayors should wager their cities, like they're playing Risk. "If the Lakers win, we get Boston."

To illustrate:

2000
Super Bowl: St. Louis acquires Nashville
Stanley Cup Finals: Newark acquires Dallas
NBA Finals: Los Angeles acquires Indianapolis
World Series: New York —

2001
Super Bowl: Baltimore acquires New York
Stanley Cup Finals: Denver acquires Newark/Dallas
NBA Finals: Los Angeles/Indianapolis acquires Philadelphia
World Series: Phoenix acquires Baltimore/New York

2002
Super Bowl: Boston acquires St. Louis/Nashville
Stanley Cup Finals: Detroit acquires Raleigh
NBA Finals: Los Angeles/Indianapolis/Philadelphia acquires East Rutherford
World Series: Anaheim acquires San Francisco

2003
Super Bowl: Tampa Bay acquires Oakland
Stanley Cup Finals: Denver/Newark/Dallas acquires Anaheim/San Francisco
NBA Finals: San Antonio acquires Los Angeles/Indianapolis/Philadelphia/East Rutherford
World Series: Miami acquires Phoenix/Baltimore/New York

2004
Super Bowl: Boston/St. Louis/Nashville acquires Charlotte
Stanley Cup Finals: Tampa Bay/Oakland acquires Calgary
NBA Finals: Detroit/Raleigh acquires San Antonio/Los Angeles/Indianapolis/Philadelphia/East Rutherford
World Series: Boston/St. Louis/Nashville/Charlotte —

2005
Super Bowl: Boston/St. Louis/Nashville/Charlotte acquires Detroit/Raleigh/San Antonio/Los Angeles/Indianapolis/Philadelphia/East Rutherford
NBA Finals: Boston/St. Louis/Nashville/Charlotte/Detroit/Raleigh/San Antonio/Los Angeles/Indianapolis/Philadelphia/East Rutherford —
World Series: Chicago acquires Houston

2006
Super Bowl: Pittsburgh acquires Seattle
Stanley Cup Finals: Boston/St. Louis/Nashville/Charlotte/Detroit/Raleigh/San Antonio/Los Angeles/Indianapolis/Philadelphia/East Rutherford acquires Edmonton
NBA Finals: Miami/Phoenix/Baltimore/New York acquires Denver/Newark/Dallas/Anaheim/San Francisco
World Series: Boston/St. Louis/Nashville/Charlotte/Detroit/Raleigh/San Antonio/Los Angeles/Indianapolis/Philadelphia/East Rutherford/Edmonton —

2007
Super Bowl: Boston/St. Louis/Nashville/Charlotte/Detroit/Raleigh/San Antonio/Los Angeles/Indianapolis/Philadelphia/East Rutherford/Edmonton acquires Chicago/Houston
Stanley Cup Finals: Miami/Phoenix/Baltimore/New York/Denver/Newark/Dallas/Anaheim/San Francisco acquires Ottawa
NBA Finals: Boston/St. Louis/Nashville/Charlotte/Detroit/Raleigh/San Antonio/Los Angeles/Indianapolis/Philadelphia/East Rutherford/Edmonton/Chicago/Houston acquires Cleveland
World Series: Boston/St. Louis/Nashville/Charlotte/Detroit/Raleigh/San Antonio/Los Angeles/Indianapolis/Philadelphia/East Rutherford/Edmonton/Chicago/Houston/Cleveland acquires Miami/Phoenix/Baltimore/New York/Denver/Newark/Dallas/Anaheim/San Francisco/Ottawa

2008
Super Bowl: Boston/St. Louis/Nashville/Charlotte/Detroit/Raleigh/San Antonio/Los Angeles/Indianapolis/Philadelphia/East Rutherford/Edmonton/Chicago/Houston/Cleveland/Miami/Phoenix/Baltimore/New York/Denver/Newark/Dallas/Anaheim/San Francisco/Ottawa —
Stanley Cup Finals: Boston/St. Louis/Nashville/Charlotte/Detroit/Raleigh/San Antonio/Los Angeles/Indianapolis/Philadelphia/East Rutherford/Edmonton/Chicago/Houston/Cleveland/Miami/Phoenix/Baltimore/New York/Denver/Newark/Dallas/Anaheim/San Francisco/Ottawa acquires Pittsburgh/Seattle
NBA Finals: Boston/St. Louis/Nashville/Charlotte/Detroit/Raleigh/San Antonio/Los Angeles/Indianapolis/Philadelphia/East Rutherford/Edmonton/Chicago/Houston/Cleveland/Miami/Phoenix/Baltimore/New York/Denver/Newark/Dallas/Anaheim/San Francisco/Ottawa/Pittsburgh/Seattle —

If the Rays and Cubs meet in this year's World Series, the United City of Boston would merge with the lone independent city of Tampa Bay/Oakland/Calgary.


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3 Comments

  1. lozo 08 Jun 08 at 22:38

    I just want to commend you on the amount of time it must've taken to type up all those cities.

    Reply
  2. Ben 09 Jun 08 at 09:14

    Jesus Jon you must be bored.

    Reply
  3. John 18 Jun 08 at 10:06

    I laughed so much at the cities being acquired…i'm slightly impressed…

    Reply

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