Other people's lines which I intend to steal someday:
"I'm glad I didn't kill myself before I went to Manhattan, because I feel like running away to New York is a better idea than suicide."
"Long story short, we drink, get smoked out, eat leftover fish from a paper bag, and walk some more to another bar."
"Loving popular rap while hating popular rock must be difficult for those who want to keep it real while keeping it eclectic."
Cannes dispatch on Brillante Mendoza's Serbis (Service):
This is the first time I've ever walked out before the end of a film at a festival.
The film opens with a scene of total gratuitous nudity — a young Filipino girl, just out of the shower, preening in front of a mirror, with voyeuristic panning down to breasts and pubic hair.
From there we're treated to a graphic oral sex scene between a man and a male prostitute that would be more appropriate for a gay porn film, and another graphic sex scene between a young man and woman that looked pretty darn real.
The end of it for me was a disgustingly graphic scene of the nephew popping the boil on his ass with a coke bottle.
He pops a boil on his ass with a Coke bottle?
Evidence that there's at least one part of Tom Brady's body that he's capable of putting a hat on.
Zing!
» I hate when a tissue I grab to wipe my glasses with turns out to be one with lotion, because then I have to find a tissue without lotion to wipe the lotion from the first tissue off my glasses.
» I saw a guy remove his glasses before eating. Very odd… Ben says he eats without his glasses on too. He also has split hooves and doesn't chew his cud.
» The Dollar Tree insert in the Sunday paper advertised $1 steaks. "Hurry in! While quantities last!"
» I also saw an ad for Tostitos Creamy Salsa, which defeats the point of salsa. Creamy salsa is crude Thousand Island dressing.
» Rob vacations and goes on more excursions than anyone I know. He'll use any excuse to get away.
Tk: My period's due.
Rob: Let's go snowboarding in Banff!
I kinda wish he'd have a kid already so I could stop resenting how "exhausting" his weekends are.
• Psychic Nosebleeds
• Price Is Right Idiot
• Drag Queen Robs Burger King