Hope is for sissies

Greil Marcus on Bob Dylan's Self Portrait:

What is this shit?

Unless [Dylan] returns to the market-place with a sense of vocation and the ambition to keep up with his own gifts, the music of [the mid-sixties] will continue to dominate his records.

I'm convinced that the Red album is Weezer's Self Portrait.

I listened to it and…

What is this shit?

Unless Cuomo returns to the market-place with a sense of vocation and the ambition to keep up with his own gifts, the music of the mid-nineties will continue to dominate his records.

Dylan on Self Portrait Rivers on Red:

I said, 'I wish these people would just forget about me. I wanna do something they can't possibly like, they can't relate to. They'll see it, and they'll listen, and they'll say, 'Well, let's get on to the next person. He ain't sayin' it no more. He ain't given' us what we want.'

But the whole idea backfired. The album went out there, and the people said, 'This ain't what we want,' and they got more resentful.

And then I did this portrait for the cover. I mean, there was no title for that album. I knew somebody who had some paints and a square canvas, and I did the cover up in about five minutes.

The ten most embarrassing Red album lyrics:

10. ("Cold Dark World")

I will protect you
Never disrespect you
But if you need love
Then I'll be here to sex you

9. ("Troublemaker")

I'm gonna be a star
And people will crane necks
To get a glimpse of me
And see if I am having sex

8. ("Pork and Beans")

They say I need some Rogaine to put in my hair
Work it out at the gym to fit my underwear
Oakley makes the shades to transform a tool
You'd hate for the kids to think that you've lost your cool

7. ("Dreamin'")

Daddy says I've gotta pay some bills
So I can learn to be responsible
Someday I'll have a family of my own
And they will need for me to be full-grown

6. ("Dreamin'")

Gotta be a big boy
Gotta pick up my toys

5. ("Pork and Beans")

I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans […]
I don't give a hoot about what you think

4. ("Troublemaker")

Who needs stupid books?
The alphabet-ey crooks
And I will learn by studying the lessons in my dreams

3. ("Troublemaker")

Marrying a bi-atch
Having seven ki-ads

2. ("The Greatest Man That Ever Lived [Variations on a Shaker Hymn]")

I'm like the mage
With the magic spell
You come like a dog
When I ring your bell

1. ("Everybody Get Dangerous")

When I was younger
I used to go and tip cows for fun, yeah
Actually I didn't do that
'cause I didn't want the cow to be sad

Rivers is 37 years old. Harvard accepted him!

To be fair:


You wanted arts and crafts
How's this for arts and crafts?
Wa-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na [accompanied by guitaring]

I laughed. Unironically.

Comments are closed.