Still Orangutans

At Mother's Day lunch:

"Johnson's parents bought a house in his name in Palo Alto."
"Oh?"
"They paid $2.1 million — in cash."

"In cash?"
"They needed to best a $2.1 million offer that required a loan."

Poor CEO… He needed a loan to buy a $2.1 million house! A LOAN! Bwah!


I completed online traffic school over the weekend.

Not sure why I had to read about provisional licenses and motorcycle helmets, but whatever.

Highlights of the reading material:

Eyeglasses usually consist of a pair of lenses mounted in a frame to hold them in position before the eyes.

o rly?

More deadly than leukemia or muscular dystrophy, collisions also cripple or disfigure thousands of youngsters for life.

"I'm a monster!"

In the late 1980s, drivers in the United States, apparently frustrated by increasing congestion, began fighting and shooting each other on a regular basis, victims of what the popular press termed "road rage."

Shooting each other on a regular basis?

If the hood opens suddenly:
• Slow down.
• Try to look under the hood to see.

[pause]


—i need to find a name for my new car.
—you name your cars?
—you don't?
—why would i name my car?
—i call it "my car."

—car naming is very common.

White people are weird.

—is calliope a bad name for a car?
—for a car, yes. for a unicorn, no.
—duly noted; i will continue to vet other opinions.


» When I am king of the world, if I have to stand on a bus, all the women on the bus will join me in standing, so I can feel tall.

» I discovered today that my laptop's weather widget was set to "Mountain View, AR." That explains all the mysterious thunderstorms.

» I saw an ad on the back page of the latest SF Weekly for an "Infrared Weight Loss Body Wrap."

» For a band name, Beerijuana is so bad, it's good.

» Wait… Daughtry has a hit song about being over someone and a hit song about not being over someone?

Wiki: Daughtry's self-titled debut album has yielded seven singles.


"I took my love down to Violent Hill…"

I keep hearing "violent" instead of "violet," like Elmyra in the episode of Tiny Toon Adventures that parodied Saturday Night Live.


Culinary Abortions from Japan
looking for blacks
When Obama wins

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