Variations on a letter to the house across the street

I.

I found another turd on my lawn.

I hope you're re-incarnated as a river in India.

Cheers,
Jon


II.

I found another turd on my lawn.

I'm gonna start fishing out my turds and dumping them on your lawn.

Cheers,
Jon


III.

I found another turd on my lawn.

I'm gonna start fishing out my turds, mixing them with steak, and dumping servings of the concoction on your lawn.

Cheers,
Jon


IV.

I found another turd on my lawn.

If I ever catch your dog shitting on my lawn, I'm gonna throw it in a paper bag, set the bag on fire outside your front door, and ring the doorbell.

Cheers,
Jon


V.

I found another turd on my lawn.

The next time I see your dog running around unleashed, I'm gonna grab it and throw it in my oven. Then I'm gonna eat it, and digest it, and when the time arrives, I'm gonna walk over and SHIT YOUR DOG ON YOUR LAWN.

"Hey, I found your dog!"
"Where?"

Cheers,
Jon


VI.

I found another turd on my lawn.

The next time I see your dog running around unleashed, I'm gonna grab it and sedate it. Then I'm gonna sew its asshole shut, release it, and wait for it to explode and splatter the inside of your house with shit.

Maybe then you'll clean up after it.

Cheers,
Jon


VII.

I found another turd on my lawn.

So I've been thinking… Your dog can't produce turds if no one is around to
feed it, right?

I'm gonna send your dog a message. Any last words you'd like me to relay?

Cheers,
Jon

Comments are closed.