» I will never goof on mall kiosk employees again. Publicly enduring largely indifferent crowds is a thankless task.

» I killed time by playing "Count the Yarmulkes."

» My boss met with our Australian distributor, who mentioned that he was flying back to Australia from Las Vegas via London. [pause]

» An Asian guy from the United Kingdom approached our booth. Why is his accent so odd? I wondered. Then I realized that, in addition to a British accent, he had a fob accent!

» My boss asked me to overnight a package to a reporter in Montreal who flew home early. The UPS Store employee handed me two forms to fill out. 30 seconds into writing, my hand began cramping. I can't remember the last time I hand-wrote anything substantial.

» A case for misanthropy: People will snatch up anything that's free, regardless of how useless it is. I saw attendees carrying inflatable surfboards around.

» Casio's booth featured lame breakdancers. How apropos.

» Coby is totally the Cracked to Sony's Mad.

» CES 2008 promoted itself as a "green" CES, yet I was inundated with multiple copies of daily trade show magazines that consisted predominantly of ads and recycled content.

» Actual photo captions in the official CES daily trade show mag:

"Smash Mouth vocalist Steve Harwell joined Intel's Paul Otellini's keynote."

"Gibson hosted live musical performances at its booth by Peter Frampton and Kevin Costner."

"Ryan Sheckler of MTV's 'Life of Ryan' with Fred Towns, senior VP, New Age Electronics."

I personally saw Natasha Bedingfield, Michael Irvin and some porn star.

Wait for it…

IT'S LIKE THE SOUTHLAND TALES OF CONSUMER ELECTRONICS TRADE SHOWS!