Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do

A man ordered one of my company's products and selected Ground shipping. After tracking his package, he complained that Ground shipping is "unacceptable."

I was not aware that UPS ever took 1 week for a package delivery.


He works at Johns Hopkins.

US Postal Service only takes 3 days from west coast to east coast for a simple letter. This seems quite unreasonable and from your web site I was not aware of this extended time frame for receipt of a simple package.

How do you look at the shipping methods and deduce that Ground shipping takes three days or less? It's fuckin' listed below 3 DAY shipping!

Did someone switch your Ritalin with ephedrine?

I found the climactic fight in Flash Point on YouTube.

I'm not completely sold on incorporating mixed martial arts into movie fight sequences. Collin Chou's triangle choke power bombs, for example, look awkward. Also, I expected a more exciting finish than a rear naked choke.

At the risk of blaspheming Donnie Yen, I prefer the bathhouse brawl in Eastern Promises.

Heads or tails

Joel and Ethan Coen:

To round out the cast [of No Country for Old Men] we hired — we thought — rugged everyman Jim Brolin as Llewelyn Moss, the aging Vietnam vet caught in the middle.

Well, there were some red faces on the set the first day of shooting when Jim Brolin's son Josh showed up to play the part. In retrospect, this explained agent Michael Cooper's surprise on hearing we wanted his client for the coveted role. Too late now, though — the contracts were all signed.

How could Josh Brolin plausibly be a Vietnam vet? Simple: set the story in 1980 instead of the present day. [source]

Similarly, the producers of Heroes thought they hired James Ramamurthy to play Chandra Suresh.

Bear Necessities

Discovery tames 'Wild' with re-edited episodes

In an episode set in the Scottish highlands, Grylls feasts on a rabbit he claims to have caught in a trap he set.

In the re-edited episode, Grylls says in the voice-over: "My trap didn't catch anything overnight, but I've been brought a rabbit to tell you what to do if you're luckier than me."

In one episode, Grylls beats Super Mario Bros. 3 in 11 minutes. In the re-edited episode, he cops to using an emulator.

"I couldn't beat the airship level in World 8, but I'll tell you what to do if you're luckier than me."

In one episode, Grylls hits 70 home runs in one season. In the re-edited episode, he strangles his wife and suffocates his seven-year-old son.

Ben: In one episode, Grylls tapes the opposing team's signals. In the re-edited episode, he just beats them using his pure fucking genius as the best coach alive.

Shame that I don't allow comments…


Customer Sues Home Depot After Being Glued To Toilet Seat, Says Incident Gave Him Diabetes

"I'm nothing more than a crumpled cripple sitting at home, waiting to die. It.. it.. changed my entire life."

Fire and ambulance crews had to unbolt the toilet seat while it was still attached to Dougherty's rear end.

As he was being wheeled out of the store on a gurney, Dougherty passed out and paramedics couldn't find a pulse. In their rush to flip him over, the seat was ripped from his flesh.

In 2005, a former Nederland official alleged that Dougherty claimed he was glued to a second toilet. Dougherty vehemently denied that charge, and his attorney said he passed a polygraph test set up by Denver's KDVR-Channel 31. [source]

Kurt and I:

—my grandfather's sick
—just found out he may never come back home
—on top of other things, they think my grandfather has an ulcer and I have the same symptoms but I don't have health insurance
—I'm sure I could get the help, but at this point I'd rather wait till everything is alright with my grandfather and sister and my sister's kids to get any help

—what's wrong with your sister and her kids?
—my sister has lymphoma and ovarian cancer and my nieces were raped a couple months ago
—how old are your nieces?

—4 and 8
—who raped them?

—their neighbors
—my family is pretty messed up
—this is the sister that stabbed me and punched friends of mine

Rock This Town

The Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto leased out space to Burger King.

A companion Hospital for Healthy Children closed its doors three months after opening.

"Aren't you gonna eat your burrito?"
"I don't eat one restaurant's food in another restaurant. I'll eat in the theatre. It's not a restaurant."
"Ah." [rolls eyes]

While I savored my falafel sandwich, Tushar played with his mobile, which caught the attention of a group of Mississaugan youth soccer players sitting at the table beside ours.

"Is that a BlackBerry?" asked one of them.

"No, it's a Nokia E90. Blah blah blah…"

"Did he just discuss data plans with eight-year-olds?" I thought to myself.

Of the eateries I patronized in Ontario that sold bags of chips, none carried regular SunChips, but they all had (gag!) Harvest Cheddar ones.

I would rather eat my own poop than eat flavored chips.

Nothing sexual

I received the following e-mail today in my work queue:

Dear Sirs,

I would like to order device and receive it in Kazakhstan. Can I pay from MasterCard?

I can't read it without hearing Borat's voice.

I also received an RMA request from the FBI. Okay, an IT specialist for the FBI.

"Terrible" Ted Mail
When Exactly Did Stereogum's Comments Section Turn Into The National Review?