The Overly Dramatic Truth

Previously on Adam Riff™:
"Imagine if Disney made a movie about Mormons."

Holy crap!

Also of note:

As vulgar as Trailer Park Boys is, the word "fart" has never been said on the show. [source]

I saw a black Audi today with a license plate that read "UDR FLFR."

"Udder fluffer?" I thought.

A young, blond female driver advertises that she fluffs udders.


Menomena's European tour posters
Star Wars Celebration IV: Boba Fett flies in via actual jetpack
Clark and Michael: Episode 2

Impudent Days

[Last Sunday] in Moscow, several dozen homosexual activists who were protesting a ban on a proposed gay-rights parade they would like to organize in the Russian capital "were kicked and punched by anti-gay demonstrators."

News report highlights:

Homosexuality was illegal in Russia until 1993.


[Moscow's mayor Yuri] Luzhkov has denounced homosexuality as "satanic."

Neo-Nazis gathered to publicly protest the idea of any kind of gay-rights parade ever taking place in the city. The shaved-heads-and-tattoos crowd shouted "Glory to Russia!" and made salutes.

Russian Nazis. Ha! Do they betray themselves?

Richard Fairbrass, a gay member of the British pop-music group Right Said Fred who took part in [Sunday]'s march, "was punched in the face and kicked by anti-gay activists" while speaking to a reporter. Reuters notes: "Blood dripped from his face after the attack."

So sexy it hurts!

Yulia Volkova, of the Russian pop group Tatu, spoke at a press conference on Saturday in support of the proposed gay-rights parade.

From the looks of things, they're not gonna get it!

Someday you will find me caught beneath the landslide

The drink menu at Chili's describes Electric Lemonade as "Bacardi Limon Rum and a special blend of bright blue juices."

Bright blue juices?

While waiting for a Citrus Squeeze at Jamba Juice, I noticed a stack of free film tickets on a little table usually reserved for company newsletters and job applications.

Each ticket admitted one to a film on Scientology marriage counseling at the Dianetics and Scientology Life Improvement Information Center in downtown Mountain View.

Beside the tickets stood a stack of mail-in Scientology personality tests.

3. Do you browse through railway timetables, directories or dictionaries just for pleasure?

26. Is your life a constant struggle for survival?

98. Would you use corporal punishment on a child aged ten if it [sic] refused to obey you?

122. Do you ever get disturbed by the noise of the wind?

156. Could you allow someone to finish those "final two words" in a crossword puzzle without interfering?

Could it be? Is Jamba Juice in cahoots with Scientologists? Or did Scientologists infiltrate the table?

Haha. Scientologists infiltrate Jamba Juice. WHAT?

A woman in a Trader Joe's shirt with a glory hole cut out below her navel boarded the train and immediately covered her nose and escaped to the adjoining car.

A minute later, she returned to the car I was in and pulled out a bottle of air freshener from her purse.

Spray spray spray.

Spray spray spray.

Sprays spray spray spray spray.

Soon, the car actually began to reek — of air freshener.

Who carries air freshener around?

Alas, on YouTube, I couldn't find a montage of Mark Dacascos announcing secret ingredients on Iron Chef America.

Will Ferrell won't let me embed, so…

Related: Clark and Michael

Shit Derailment

Buena Vista's president of distribution Chuck Viane reported the top three [North American theatres for Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End on opening day]: the Salt Lake City area's Megaplex 17 at Jordan Commons with $120,696 and Megaplex 20 at the District with $120,073, followed by Hollywood's El Capitan with $118,009. [source]

Two theatres in Utah in the same city and one theatre owned by Disney.

Imagine if Disney made a movie about Mormons. Pioneers of the Salt Lake Valley: Deseret Man's Chest.

A group of teenagers arrived in a Hummer limousine. For Pirates of the Caribbean.

A group of young men arrived in elaborate pirate costumes with full pirate make-up. To see a movie.

Yes, At World's End drags, but the destruction in the third hour is absolutely beautiful, particularly Lord Beckett's slow motion denouement.

The Cinemark cat reminds me of Bubsy.

20th Century Fox and the Franklin Mint have created a Silver Surfer U.S. quarter that has been put into limited circulation in advance of the release of "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer." [source]

We are very, very protective of the currency of this country. Our goal was to enhance the coin," Franklin Chairman Moshe Malamud said. [source]

Give Fox points for creativity, but WTF4! This is actual currency!

The tails side looks like something you'd see on a beverage cup at Burger King.

Clark and Michael — new webisode every Wednesday
Jan de Bont's (Speed) Stopping Power culminates in a 51-minute chase involving cars, helicopters and jets
Production company behind Finnish wuxia film prepping ninja musical and Nazi sci-fi comedy

Your water's from a bottle, mine's from a canteen

Today is a special day.

Today, a fanboy interest of mine celebrates a major anniversary.

A long time ago today, an endeavor that many people had a bad feeling about debuted and subsequently changed the face of entertainment.

I'm talking, of course, about The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

Happy 15th anniversary! Here's to 15 more!

Airline Fracture

A fake beard and tortured tears.

George Foreman joins American Inventor!

Hoffs/Drawlar (funeral parlor) is an anagram of "flash forward."

I just recently realized that the girl who played Becca Fisher on Flash Forward played the mechanic on Firefly.

Bikes or cars — which is responsible for traffic problems in the city? ABC 7 investigates.

Fussing over rising gas prices is silly. Overpriced food in airports doesn't stop people from eating…

What happened to Vincent?

Jump the cheeseburger

24's "reinvention" next season intrigues me, certainly more than One Tree Hill in the future, but has reinventing a show ever improved its quality?

I think of seaQuest 2032 and the second seasons of The Wire and Prison Break

In the wake of Transformers, the director of the movie inspired by Bratz toys will direct a movie inspired by the Robosapien toy. [source]

I believe a Robosapien is a robot that farts and dances. It's like the male equivalent of a Roomba.

A Munny film can't be far off. I'll settle for Small Soldiers 2 though.

All the rage.

Lost SEASON 3 RECAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Continuity and Boy Meets World
Report: Bruno (Baron Cohen) Infiltrates Downtown L.A. Trade Convention

You don't know Cody


Related: D Generation X Yamaka [sic]

Every year, the Seattle International Film Festival torments me with its line-up.


SIFF's programmers and I, we get each other.

To think, I could've been subletting in Seattle right now.


I saw a commercial for Spider-Man 3 that notes it is "one of the best films of the decade" without citing a source.

Never mind how absurd that statement is — would Sony actually proclaim its own film is one of the best of the decade?

The man in front of me in line at House of Falafel smelled extremely pungent, like the Fairy Godmother turned a stick of deodorant into a middle-aged Indian programmer.

In the parking lot, I passed by a car with a University of Phoenix license plate frame.

I should buy a digital camera.

Cream cheese does not belong in sushi or wontons or any other Asian food.

I dined with my parents and some family friends over the weekend. Johnson's father, who hadn't seen me since Christmas, commented that I looked fatter.

One pound over my average weight and I look fatter — awesome!

Notice the look on Pat Sajak's face! Too stupid to believe!
I thought I knew insane. I didn't know insane.
someecards: where you care enough to hit send

Today's big controversy is that the web site is now photoshopping hair on Shawn Michaels' head. [source]

Sexy boy indeed.

I need to stop impulsively ordering cioppino at Italian restaurants. It's never the transcendent seafood experience I envision.

The skin under my lower lip began stinging. I wondered if I was suddenly allergic to something I ate for lunch.

Later, in the restroom mirror, I noticed a cut under my lower lip. Then I noticed another one.

Apparently, while organizing business cards, I sliced my face up without realizing.

This week in sequel announcements:
Smokin' Aces 2
Point Break 2
Super Troopers 2
The Goonies 2
Tomb Raider 3
The Untouchables 2

Woman, son sentenced for faked retardation
Not Yet Unbreathing
Zack Snyder, David Fincher, Edgar Wright and more directors weigh in on what they'd do with final 'Harry Potter' flick

The future you have tomorrow won't be the same future you had yesterday

CBS cancelled Jericho for this…

…and I wholeheartedly support the network's decision! Children's reality programming can be a blast to watch. Bug Juice, for example., one of the most desirable domains for the online adult industry, has changed hands for $9m. That makes it the second most expensive internet domain ever sold, after, which sold for an estimated $12m in 2004. [source] — $3.25 million well spent.

I'm preparing to acquire for up to $1000.


Call me now for your free reading!

Double Guantanamo


11. plus44
12. sr71
13. fidelio
14. newenglandclamchowder

On May 18th, Human Giant is getting control of MTV and MTV2 for 24 hours straight (From Noon Friday to Noon Saturday) and will be hosting the whole event LIVE from the MTV Times Square Studios. We only have a week to prepare and we can do whatever we want – we get to control the programming, videos, etc…and we getting Tapes N Tapes, Morningwood, Tegan and Sara, Eugene Mirman, Zach Galifianakis, Jon Glaser, Slovin and Allen, Jon Benjamin, Todd Barry, Curtis and John, Rob Riggle, Will Arnett, Andrew WK, Michael Cera, Andy Blitz and many more as special guests. We are writing it right now. [source]

15. 1234

This week is National Nursing Home Week.

Celebrate National Nursing Home Week.

Yay familial abandonment!

On the season finale of Degrassi, Emma got her period, which dampened my hopes for a pregnant underclassman royal flush (Emma, Manny, Liberty, Darcy, Mia) by series end. C'mon, writers! Go there!

When my boss bends over, I can see his butt crack.

Re: 28 Weeks Later

"The violence and gore are very disturbing"

"The movie is very violent"

"I had to turn from the movie when it became so nauseatingly violent"

"This had to be the most violent piece of film I've ever seen"

"overly violent"

Pajiba's commenters must not see very much violent cinema

Banderas Promises More Than 5 "Shrek" Movies
Price Is Right game or deviant (apocryphal) sexual practice?
ESPN Fantasy Fishing
8 Companies We All Hate (and why we use them anyway)
Things That Rule: Nonsensical "Calvin Pissing" Stickers

We can't call people without wings angels, so we call them friends

I peed my pants on my first day of work.

Went for a piss, somehow exposed myself improperly and realized too late.

Striped both pant legs.

Trying to wash the urine out only worsened matters.

Fortunately, no one noticed, as I spent the following hour sitting at a desk typing e-mail addresses of German photographers.