Black Tie Affairs

At the cinema today, I saw a trailer for a computer-animated movie about surfing penguins.

Enough with the penguins already!

In the past two years, Hollywood has released five movies starring penguins — three of them computer-animated!

I also saw a trailer for a movie about breakdancing starring Jamie Kennedy.

Dude loves playing wiggers…

I should pitch him a movie about wiggers who surf.

Actually, that doesn't sound too bad!

According to IMDb, Jamie Kennedy voiced a penguin in Farce of the Penguins.


This boat is obviously sinking

Wednesday, March 28:

• Knew I was gonna clog the toilet.

• Flushed the toilet anyway.

• Plunged the clogged toilet.

• Flushed an improperly plunged toilet, causing water with poop particles to flood the bathroom.

• Clashed with Karen over the fonts for our group project.

• Called Karen a "cunt."

• Was accused of being racist for guessing Karen was Jewish because of her hyper-neurotic behavior.

• Almost had campus security called on me.

• Reconciled with Karen.

• Saw a man trimming laminated "Kucinich '08" signs at Kinko's.

This plane is definitely crashing

The clock is ticking as the citizens prepare for Hillary Clinton's big campaign rally. Cartman suspects the new Muslim student is behind a terrorist threat. [source]

Methinks South Park's parody of 24 airs tonight.

I learned today that San Francisco has a Supervisor named Ed Jew.

Moreover, he's Chinese!

If he was a superhero and I was a villain, before escaping capture, I'd smirk and remark: "Adieu, Ed Jew!"

The trailer for Evan Almighty will debut on Thursday during a marathon of NBC's The Office. Access Hollywood will promote the trailer during both the Wednesday and Thursday editions of the show. [source]

A press release promotes Access Hollywood's promotion of a trailer promoting a movie.


The Best American Blog Posts 07 nominee:

All frustration aside, I kept at Friday the 13th. I wanted to beat it. I wanted to be that ultimate fanboy I make fun of all the time, the dude who did that thing that made those other dudes all like sick with envy and shit.

But instead I was always just a dude with lots of zits and no friends, using the vibration function on a PlayStation controller to jerk off into crusty socks. With the discovery of ROMs and Emulators, my opportunity to use my college-educated wiles has arrived, but I'm old now, I don't give a shit, and vibrating controllers are now wireless.

The world is a vampire

Ladies and gentlemen, Mohinder Suresh:

Bonus: The many "mmmmm"s of Rachael Ray

Rumors are flying that a musical is in the works based on The Flaming Lips' album Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots. Reports suggest Aaron Sorkin may be involved. [source]

Break out the 'shrooms!

Interesting tidbit: Sorkin did rewrites for the movie The Rock.

On notice:
• Charla and Mirna
• The accents Charla and Mirna inexplicably adopt when speaking to foreigners

"It's going to be unbelievable," says Eric Stafford, 26, of Iowa City, Iowa, who will drive to Detroit for the first time for WrestleMania weekend. "I'm looking forward to the show and checking out the city, the nightlife." [source]

Yes, the vibrant Detroit nightlife.

To be fair, he lives in Iowa.

Who would win in a fight: Krang or Meatwad?

Apropos of nothing, Google returned this image for "Meatwad":

/non-basketball-related content

Dick Enberg wrote a play about Al McGuire. The one-man play will be performed in Atlanta during Final Four weekend. [source]

Dick Enberg wrote a play about his former broadcast partner? Oh my…

Kentucky Florida men's basketball coach Billy Donovan asked wrestler Ric Flair to motivate his Gators before their game against Butler on Friday. [source]

I guess John Beilein was busy.

Extra points for:
• Missing a free throw right after an announcer praises your free throw shooting
• The mysterious lack of black three-point shooting specialists
• Doc Rivers' white son


Your tears are so yummy and sweet.

Daniel Hackett to tattoo artist: I want my right arm to look like a half-finished bowl of Chinese-Character-Bits cereal.

Daniel Hackett to tattoo artist: Make me a dalmation with Chinese characters instead of spots!

Daniel Hackett to tattoo artist: Oh these? I, uh, passed out a party and…

Colour me surprised to discover that Deadspin blogged about and then linked (3. Some Duke Hate!) an image I made last year. Eeeeeeeeee!

I had to scrub my fingers with bleach just so my friends wouldn't make fun of me

I lollered.

I assume the super revealing promo for 24 that directly precedes the episode it promotes is a precautionary measure against viewers missing stuff due to any sleep the show may induce.

In season 4 of 24, Jack infiltrates the corporate headquarters of defense contractor McLennan-Forster, named after Grant McLennan and Robert Forster of the Australian band The Go-Betweens.

In season 5 of 24, Audrey calls RoboCop under the alias "Jane Espenson," who was a writer for Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Season 6's obscure cultural reference?

Pilotless drone / San Francisco.

Dick Enberg and Jay Bilas are announcing the West Regional games, presumably so Bilas can disparage my team and slurp Kansas some more.

Did you know that there is a Women's NIT? [shivers]

That ESPN2 passed says it all.

The pep band of the corpse of Christ is wearing Hawaiian shirts

St. Patrick's Day, March Madness and the 2008 presidential campaign collide in Oakland.

The apostrophe is clearly the Gabrielle Carteris of the group.

I want to attend the UCLA v. Pitt game in San Jose on Thursday, but home teams always lose sporting events I attend. Also: The game conflicts with my technical writing class. Also: I need tickets to the game coughJoshcough.

I understand why fast food chains offer alternative combo meal components, but I can't see any child choosing apples and milk over fries and pop.

Fries and pop may not be healthy, but they at least cohere with a hamburger. Apples and milk don't.

You ever wash a hamburger down with milk? NO!

Wendy's offers yogurt with granola and mandarin oranges as fry alternatives.

A hamburger with yogurt and milk — Mmm!

Fast food execs are crafty, selecting products that both appease and counteract pro-lifers.

Acie Law IV looks like Stringer Bell.

Beware the Ides of March

Every time our beloved Bruins have played on CBS this season as a #2 team, they've lost to lesser teams, so Jon and I are approaching today's game against Weber State with trepidation.

Put another way, we hope that Good Rex shows up.

Go team.

James Brown and Len Elmore are calling the Sacramento games. I'm bummed that Brown displaced Gus Johnson, but at least the announce team isn't Nantz and Packer.

Speaking of Gus Johnson, why is he still relegated to secondary announce teams? He should be CBS' go-to play-by-play guy, the network's Joe Buck.

His work on the UCLA v. Gonzaga game last March is the stuff of legend.

And this…

"Why not get a little kiiiiiss?"

Shit, pair him with Raftery as the A team.

Prince and Michael Jackson to jointly cover a Beatles song? [Tasty Clips]

Will you please hang up your boa?

Real blonde inquiry.

A meme. A list. Search engine results. Concert photos.

What is the most uninspired web content device? Let's find out!

I put together brackets for a tournament that


MC Hammer will attend the Opening Night Gala of the 25th San Francisco International Asian American Film Festival. What a coup!

I count five bands with "panda" in their name playing SXSW: Panda, The Pandas, The Panda Band, Panda and Angel, and another band named Panda.

Not playing SXSW: Panda Bear.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007 5:46 AM

hi jon,
i see you have a couple of sage songs from his new album up for download. can you please remove them?

Tuesday, March 13, 2007 10:32 AM

Hey Jon, I handle internet marketing at Epitaph/Anti records. I noticed that you have two tracks from Sage Francis' forthcoming album posted on your site. If you can please take these tracks down until we get closer to the album's street date, we'd really appreciate it.

[looks around]

While waiting for a burrito at Una Mas, I heard a salsa version of Wagner's "Bridal Chorus" over the PA system.

Wiki » Bridal Chorus: "It is rarely played at Jewish weddings, as Wagner was a known anti-Semite."

Is this true, Jews?

One shining moment:

I loller every time.

Hobo with a shotgun

From the writers and director and producers of "Saw"

…and the editor and the foley artists and the first assistant underwater camera operator…

Snow and the Seven (2008)

An English princess finds herself in need of protection while traveling in late 19th century China. Seven Shaolin monks come to her aid, each with a trait of a dwarf in Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Michael Chabon? wrote the screenplay. Yuen Woo-Ping will direct.

Woo-Ping is looking to make Snow and the Seven the Ocean's Eleven of martial arts movies.


Doc: Gordon Liu
Grumpy: Tony Jaa
Happy: Sammo Hung
Sneezy: Donnie Yen
Bashful: Wu Jing
Sleepy: Jet Li
Dopey: Jackie Chan

Thoughts? Prayers?

Mousewatch Monday [Jim Hill Media]

All right, Jon, give the people something to watch tonight.

How 'bout a trailer for a Norwegian parody of Kill Bill?

The room, the sun and the sky

On last night's episode of Iron Chef America, the secret ingredient was "breakfast." Turning breakfast food into breakfast food kinda defeats the point of the show, no?

Another questionable idea: Post's Great Grains cereal "inspired by the taste of bread."


so in 300 when the humpback was in Xerxes's den
there was a minotaur
a minotaur man
wtf was that
there was no half cow half man smoking a hookah in the comic
i mean i know it is a movie they have to stretch out the panels in the comic but a cowman smoking a hookah was a bit much for me

Being snubbed by the NIT is like not receiving a trophy for participation.

It's like…

Last fall, Tushar informed me about an interesting job opening at his company's local branch. I applied and advanced to the last round of interviews before the powers that be passed on me.

Last month, Tushar rang.

"I found out why you didn't get the job."
"Don't tell me."
"But it's funny!"
"I don't wanna know. Blissful ignorance."
"Okay, well, the final decision was between you and this girl. You were more qualified."


I was more qualified, and the reason they passed is…funny.

Can you lose out on a job because of Title IX?

Northwestern has been eligible for the NCAA Tournament since its creation in 1939 and has never received an invitation. The Wildcats are the only power conference team that has never been invited.

Question of the Day:
Which will happen first: Cubs win a World Series or Northwestern receives a tournament bid?


Forest forwarded me this:

Hey, it beats autograph sessions at Popeyes Chicken restaurants.

$50 just to watch people bowl though! Shame on you, Make-A-Wish Foundation!

I suppose I should ask why Forest is on the mailing list for Bowl Detroit.

At my first pitch session for my high school paper, I pitched a feature on cosmic bowling and subsequently lost my innocence.

Kruk? Hee! Gammons! Arroyo! GEDDY LEE!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot:
The latest poster for Hostel: Part II
This feller = This bloke

Feeling this:
• The Spanish audio dub of Borat (Tony'll love the Russian one)
The formerly Netflix-exclusive Comedians of Comedy movie film for theatres
The Tony Kornheiser Podcast

Middle Children

My brother gave me a copy of his school paper, which I wrote for when I was in high school.

The lead story on the front page discusses my buddy Jose's nomination for a Pulitzer Prize.

"This is the lead story?" I wondered. "What does the current student body care about a class of 2000 alumnus?"

Now I know why Jose is the lead story, but

But I

An explanation would drudge up people and events that are bygones


That I claim are bygones


That fucked up my life


I fucked myself over





Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck


Err, fuck (it) all

When it comes, it's so, so disappointing

From: Jonathan Yu
To: Ben Howland
cc: Men's Basketball Team
Date: Mar 9, 2007 2:13 AM
Subject: (no subject)

Difficulty: Easy!!!!!!!!!!

– Jon

P.S. Enjoy the trip out east. I hear it's beautiful this time of year.

I can't say what bipolar disorder feels like, but I think being a UCLA sports fan is a good approximation.

The Bruins finally beat USC…and then choke the Emerald Bowl away. They beat Washington State amid overall #1 seed talk…and then limp into the tournament.

Is sustaining prosperity that difficult?


I received the following text message last night:

I am legitimately pissed about a sporting event for the first time since the alds vs the chicago white sox

Ben attended college "university" in Canada and inexplicably adopted UCLA as his NCAA rooting interest. Rory and I are alumni, but he willingly chose to torture himself emotionally!

Of course, he is a lifelong Red Sox fan…