Pants on fire

Previously on Adam Riff™:
» In TWRT 64, students spend the quarter working on a single group project.
» "Karen, Karen, Jon and…Leon."

Date: Sun, 04 Feb 2007
From: "Leon"
Subject: Hey, I won't be able to make it on Monday(tommorow)

Hey, All! I just wanted to let you people know, that I will not be able to show up tomorrow on Monday! Family emergency.

Date: Thu, 08 Feb 2007
From: "Leon"
Subject: Hello,everyone! I have some terrible news.

The project I was working on, has been deleted. It was bad, it happened yesturday, where my computer crashed, and would not turn back on. I lost quite a bit of data. I don't know what else to do, but to start over. I will do this over this weekend. I don't know what else to do. So, when I come at like 4;15 4;30 I won't have much. I will be working on it this week.

P.S. I am using my parents computer.

Date: Tue, 20 Feb 2007
From: "Leon"
Subject: Hey, How are you guys doing?

Hell, everyone! I have been going through some struggle. Life was getting hard this weekened. I was able to work a little on my part. However, I am working on it now and going to work in the morning and tuesday. I am going to do what I can. Hope you understand. I need some help. I am having problems, getting a better book. Well, hope to speak to you guys later.

Date: Tue, 27 Feb 2007
From: "Leon"
Subject: Hello, Guys! I have some bad news.

Hello, Guys! I have some bad news. I will be dropping the class, because I have been bleeding badly. Spitting out blood and just nose bleeding. It has been going on for about 5 days now. It's getting worse, and so, I cannot concentrate right now. I am sorry guys.


Crunch time rolls around and he suddenly becomes a hemophiliac.

I was Leon's partner in TWRT 63 and he similarly dropped the class two-thirds of the way through the quarter, citing overwhelmingness.

The "W"s on his transcript must rival those of the '72 Dolphins.

I've never met anyone so incapable of producing anything worthwhile. At our final meeting before a rough draft deadline, Leon shared what appeared to be an outline printed in red ink.

Moreover, he always needed help. Help me! I'm young! I need help!

No, you're twenty-fuckin'-one years old! What you need is someone to carry your indolent ass!

Seven Genres We Could All Do Without [Cinematical]
I'd include "fat suit comedies."

Pretend you never went to school

The Hong Kong Japanese have invented a way of eating where a "body" is made from food and placed on a table. You cut the body open anywhere you want and eat what you find inside. The body will actually bleed as you cut it and the organs inside are completely edible.

My parents want to me to teach English in Japan while simultaneously learning Japanese.

I'd love to live in Japan, but I'm hesitant to cross the Pacific without a basic grasp of the language. The last time I visited Japan, everyone assumed I was Japanese. My Jappish features (?) excluded me from the benefit of the doubt allotted to foreigners, particularly among non-English-speakers. Pointing at a picture of the #2 combo meal at a Mos Burger in Yokohama wasn't enough.

Japanese Banquet of Cannibalism [Weird Asia News]

The Amazing Race has taught me that many South American cities have a white statue atop a mountain

I'd love to live in Brazil. I just need a better reason than "I can't find a single coxinha vendor in the Bay Area."


I'm salivating at the thought of a giant coxinha shaped like a human.

Hey, Brazil boasts the largest Japanese population outside of Japan…

Ohio State chose a terrible shade of gray for its home basketball uniforms.

I'd love to live in Oh-who am I kidding?

Smoke some fags and play some pool

Things I don't understand about cinemas:

• why comedic vignettes are necessary to remind people to turn off their phones
• why reminders to turn off your phone need corporate sponsors

Best Buy, Cingular, I appreciate your concern.

Last Sunday, USC men's basketball lost to then 0-14 Arizona State by 10 points.

The Trojans rebounded on Thursday against Stanford.

But first…

[Coach Tim] Floyd was addressing his team when there was a loud knock on the locker room door and USC football Coach Pete Carroll entered to offer an impromptu motivational speech.

Carroll whipped the Trojans into a frenzy, telling them about the football team's 33-game winning streak at the Coliseum that dates to 2001.

Now why would Pete Carroll return to the NFL when he can co-opt other coaches' pep talks on a whim?

At least UCLA's big man on campus actually coached basketball.


Denzel Washington visited the USC locker room after the game.

Mind you, he's a Fordham alumnus.

Other coaches treat their teams to pizza. At USC? Denzel.

USC outplays Stanford [Los Angeles Times]
Stanford has its hands full against UCLA [SF Gate]

Pittsburgh forward Levon Kendall reminds me of Vanilla Ice. If only he'd shave lines into his eyebrows…

He's kind of a pretty boy for a basketball player. In Pittsburgh.

James Brown: still unburied.

He died on Christmas.

Testosterone Boys and Harlequin Girls

Final thought on The O.C.:

Julie Cooper had two daughters with Tate Donovan, who voiced Disney's Hercules, and a son with Kevin Sorbo, who played Hercules.

Yahoo! will launch a video project before the end of this quarter that will feature a journalist who will sing the news.

The singing anchor is the first venture from Yahoo! News since last year's launch of "The Hot Zone With Kevin Sites."

How do you follow up a series of reports on every armed conflict in the world? With a singing anchorman, obviously!

Let's see Google (beta) top this…

Yahoo sings the news [Valleywag]

180 Seconds

Dave Nunley, 29, eats about 224 pounds of mild Cheddar cheese each year and has never consumed a hot meal in his life. Because of a food phobia, he has been living on cheese ever since he was a toddler.

"Once when I was four years old I nearly starved to death because my parents wouldn't let me eat cheese."

Cheddar Gorge [The Hunts Post]

Mark: maybe im just stoned but your site is making me laugh more than usual this time around
Mark: have you felt yourself being more funny as of late?

Ever since high school, when I debauched the school paper, I've noticed that my work fares best with…marijuana enthusiasts. I dunno why, but I'm not complaining. A niche audience is better than none.

Is America ready? Is America ready?

I'm tired of hearing about whether or not America is ready for a black president, like Barack Obama's a terrorist attack or an earthquake.

How would darker skin affect his ability to lead? It's pigment, not Venom symbiote.

The question should be: Will backward-ass red staters ever grow the fuck up?

If Americans can acquit O.J. Simpson, they can elect a black president, politics and experience notwithstanding.

I wish register clerks at Trader Joe's could be a little less outgoing.

Their hyper-outgoingness forces me to be outgoing in return, and sometimes, I just want to pay for my Pretzel Slims and leave.

Bai Ling's teeth are nasty.

It's called "whitening toothpaste," woman!

Nothing you can say can stop me going home

My mother asked me to pick up some unidentifiable Chinese herbs at a store downtown.

I can't imagine any other type of pharmacy just stuffing its wares into filing cabinet drawers, heedless of sanitary issues.

Of course, Chinese herbs are brewed and not ingested.

Wiki » Chinese herbology:

The use of parts of endangered species (such as seahorses, rhinoceros horns, and tiger bones) has created controversy.

Hmm… A flu shot or "parts" of seahorses?

On one hand, I don't like needles. On the other, the prospect of drinking brewed seahorse anus repulses me.

My mother insisted that I wear green underwear and a burgundy shirt on Chinese New Year's Day for good luck this Chinese calendar year.

I didn't think I owned a burgundy shirt.

Turns out I do. I dug up a burgundy shirt I bought at a Salvation Army in Vancouver because it read "Justice Institute of British Columbia."

"The Justice Institute of British Columbia" — hee! I love how that sounds.

At dinner on Chinese New Year's Eve, my cousin's son Ethan invented a game called "Stick a finger in my nose and then wipe it on Uncle Jon's pants."

For two days of spending time with my family, I received a red envelope payout of $703. Not bad.

The $3 was from my mother. 3 is my lucky number this Chinese calendar year.

I matter plenty

Peter is becoming Anakin Skywalker.

Awesome episode of Heroes last night. Avoiding spoilers and promos truly enhances the television viewing experience.

I caught the end of Degrassi's J.T. postmortem episode again.

When Toby opens J.T.'s locker, you see a poster for The Bronx on the inside of the locker door.

J.T. listened to The Bronx, eh?

I enjoy catching incongruous swag in cinema and on television. They're like inside jokes between props people and I.

The one other example that comes to mind is Thrice stickers plastered about the Paddy's set for It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

I know I've seen posters for bands in Seth Cohen's bedroom that he would never listen to too.

They interviewed Vinnie Jones, an English former soccer player who co-stars in [The Condemned], who is going to be a heel feuding with Austin on screen and in WWE. [source]

Oh man…

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Juggernaut in a live setting?

"Do you know who I am?"

[via BC]
My new favourite webcomic: killnine

Sleep with one eye open

With all due respect to the sticker and the kiss, did you see Siegfried and Roy introducing the player introductions? Oof.

Roy could neither speak intelligibly nor orient himself. That he shared the spotlight with suave 67-year-old Siegfried only exacerbated the sadness of the sight. Governor Schwarzenegger should've declared him a disaster Aryan.

Having now witnessed Kirk Douglas, Dick Clark and Roy post-stroke, I can safely say that if I ever suffer a stroke (and my family history suggests I will), I hope it's fatal.

Ghetto Ways

Previously on Adam Riff™:
» Lars' open letter to the Bay Area would probably feel less calculated and disingenuous if he didn't move to Brooklyn over a year ago.

MC Lars – "White Kids Aren't Hyphy"

Apparently, Lars recorded the song exclusively for [Bay Area radio station] Live 105. Doesn't change the fact that he lives in Brooklyn.

I caught a bit of TRL today.

Rich Boy's eyes and brow… I can understand why he wears shades so much.

With shades on, however, he looks like H.R. Giger's Alien.

The resemblance is distracting.

Taco Bell's steak grilled taquitos are the shoddiest taquitos I've ever eaten. I dunno why I expected more than steak and cheese folded up in a tortilla and sliced in half.

Also, they're puny. They look like fuckin' burritos on television!

Bulls on parade

I just noticed the topics that Kinja, the "weblog guide," tagged our site with.

So we're The New York Post?

From writers of 24:

The ½ Hour News Hour, a cross between The Daily Show and Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" with a conservative slant, premieres Sunday at 10:00 pm ET on Fox News Channel.

What can you expect?

Rush Limbaugh appear[s] in a skit as the president, with Ann Coulter as his vice president.

My eyes are rolling with laughter.

What the show needs is a weekly re-enactment of one of Keith Olbermann's Special Comments by DB Woodside. Amirite?


Correspondents include original Daily Show cast member Brian Unger.

Hey, whatever pays the bills.

At least he's not one of Jay Leno's lackeys. Way to put that Harvard degree to use, Mo.

FNC's Daily Show Rip-off Falls Flat [Radar]

Drudge linked to this clip of The ½ Hour News Hour:

I think I prefer Fox News' other experiment in "hip," and it annoys me to no end.

Watch the "Oscar Buzz or Bore?" clip. Rachel Marsden is absolutely brutal.

Here's to all our vice

Happy Valentine's Day…..ladies.

Care to join me in a chocolate spa?

The water is mixed with cacao and fragrant bath powders while liquid chocolate is poured over the bodies of bathers.

From the creators of the wine spa!

Also available in sake, green tea and coffee.

Chocolate Bath for Valentine's Day [Spluch]
Hot springs spa resort and amusement park [Hakone Kowakien Yunessun]

The amazing Super Mario wedding cake prompted a discussion between Adam Robot and I on our dream wedding cakes. We're probably the last people on Earth who should be contemplating wedding cakes, but play along.

I want an R2D2 cake that projects holograms of a groom and bride. I considered a Death Star cake, but I imagine crafting, displaying and slicing a spherical cake would be problematic.

Robot: i'd do a bucket with bloody appendages in it – each with a replica of an arm of the bride and groom with rings on their fingers


Three films about Star Wars that I want to see:
A Great Disturbance [DVD]
5-25-77 [May 25, 2007]
Fanboys [Aug 17, 2007]

Studio Shitty on the Chopping Block

Together at last! Yayayayayayay!

Monday night on Raw, Vince McMahon and Donald Trump agreed to a hair vs. hair match (with proxy wrestlers) at WrestleMania.

Loser shaves his head.

I'm not sure how any of this promotes The Apprentice. It's a fascinating case study on solipsism though.

Weekend ratings:

NBC's NHL coverage drew a 0.9 overnight rating with a 2 share, lower than the rating for bull riding on NBC.

But it beat arm wrestling on ESPN2!

The NBA All-Star Game will air in 3-D high definition [Variety]

Catch du jour:

Gianni Nunnari produced 300 and executive produced The Departed.

On his IMDb page's message board, some make-up artist posted a cover letter and resume.

Who is this chap?

Hint: In 1999, he did it all for the nookie.

I'm disgusted at myself for devouring a roll of Thin Mints. So unhealthy…says the guy who drinks two diet pops a day.

Why can't the Girl Scouts make crackers?

I'm about to ingest a cocktail of Airborne formula, NyQuil and Mucinex and then go to sleep.

If you don't hear from me by Wednesday, please notify the police.

I mix Heineken with vodka

Fuck the IRS?

Last night, Axelsen debuted "Hyphy," MC Lars' latest single.

Over an instrumental reminiscent of Bumblebeez' "Pink Fairy Floss," Lars channeled Skee-Lo for a chorus ("I wish I was a little bit hyphy") and referenced other local shit like ghost ridin', Live 105 and Bubb Rubb.

Lars' open letter to the Bay Area would probably feel less calculated and disingenuous if he didn't move to Brooklyn over a year ago.

Last night during [adult swim], I'm pretty sure I heard "ghost ride the whip!" at the end of a commercial for opening day midnight screenings of Ghost Rider.

Clearly, Sony is undeterred by the Cousin Pete fiasco.

Art inspired by Rambo, kids and the 80s [Son of Rambow]
Jerks of the gaming universe [Destructoid]
Intelligent Warming [Flickr]