Previously on Adam Riff™:

» My cousin Emily's stepfather is a sushi chef. My mother told him that I like mackerel sushi. He offered to prepare some for me.

» My cousin Pluto on my mother's side visits the Bay Area this week with his five-year-old son Ethan.

While I was eating mackerel sushi, my cousin Wayne dropped off miniature pastries that his Korean girlfriend Sharon spent the afternoon baking.

I don't know what a Martha Stewart type sees in a guy who was once arrested for stealing office equipment from Staples, but I digress.

Sharon packaged her cookies in plastic Chinese food take-out boxes with assorted Christmas prints.

Yes, some company in Van Nuys saw a market for plastic Chinese food take-out boxes with Christmas prints.

The powdered sugar on Sharon's miniature brownies disappointed me.

Why sweeten already sweet food? I can't stand how Food Network personalities always unnecessarily add powdered sugar to finished desserts.

I ate lunch recently at a pizzeria, and my waiter offered to grate cheese on a finished pizza.


I forgot how young five is.

While teaching Ethan how to play Tic-tac-toe, I noticed that his right ear had a hyperplastic tragus about two centimeters long.

According to my mother, my cousin Betsy's son Max was also born with a hyperplastic tragus, only she asked a doctor to remove the excess tissue.

This does not bode well for any children I may have (shut up).

My brother resolved to be a vegetarian from New Year's Day forth.

Considering his favorite food is steak, I give him a week.