Japanese people are very lucky

Previously on Adam Riff™:

I need a viable Halloween costume idea. I'm leaning toward being Frank Costello from The Departed.

My mother called.

"Your father and I need to be somewhere on Halloween night. So does Winston. Can you hand out candy in our neighbourhood?"

Because I'm a pushover, I agreed, all the while gazing at the dildo on my desk.

What am I gonna do with a black dildo now? Scare trick-or-treaters? I've already alienated the neighbourhood once in high school by distributing sugar packets after I ran out of candy.

I suppose I could try to return it. I'd have to travel back up to the city though.


Angel Face

Jared Leto accosts Scott Stereogum. Security grabs Stereogum and severely injures his left ring finger. Stereogum seeks medical attention.

His injury is perversely satisfying.

Now if only someone would tear G_rillaMask's ACL…

Leto's Blog Hatred Escalates to Violence [Best Week Ever]
Pittman's Pilot Group, Hirschhorn Invest In Music Blog Stereogum [paidContent]

"Step On Me" Tanner

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Today we visit 1UP.

We're dragging along a guy my boss hired off Craigslist to wear a Bomberman costume.

Add Mission Street in San Francisco to the list of aggravating places to drive. Can't turn left, can't turn right…

I spent Friday afternoon walking around downtown Market Street with a guy in a Bomberman costume at my boss' request. Just the two of us.

Is it okay to be mean to a homeless person's dog? On one hand, it's a dog. On the other, it's homeless.

I hope the 1UP Show film crew didn't catch me on camera.

Fuck off, Death

My boss, dressed as a pirate, pushed a popcorn cart with balloons tied to it into the elevator.

"We should have gotten a monkey."

Take note, aspiring marketers. This is how you promote a Bomberman game with pirate and carnival themes in an office environment.

He wanted to hire a clown too.

He ended up hiring a clown, but not to entertain. No, he paid a clown in Pennsylvania to make 200 (admittedly very cool) foam bombs to distribute.

Sometimes I feel like Michael Scott is my boss.

On Thursday, we visited the offices of IGN and Future, which used to own IGN.

Turns out my co-worker Jason was an editor for both IGN and Future in the mid-90s. He worked with and lived two doors down from then roommates Craig Harris (editor-in-chief, IGN DS) and Matt Casamassina (editor-in-chief, IGN Wii).

Jason, evidently, helped found IGN. So says his résumé.

Today we visit GameSpot, Electronic Gaming Monthly, 1UP and GamePro.

In addition to the aforementioned pirate and carnival crap, we're dragging along: a slushee machine, inflatable tulips, Margarita mix and a guy my boss hired off Craigslist to wear a Bomberman costume all day for $16/hour.

I can't believe I played Bomberman with Craig Harris and Chris Slate (editor-in-chief, PlayStation Magazine).


Every man for himself

For the final project in my technical writing class, the professor partnered me with a student named David. Half my grade depends heavily on his insight and expertise on how to build a computer.

Every week, David comes to class with a high-tech flashlight holstered on the right side of his pants. Don't ask me why. Sometimes, when the professor rambles, he plays with the flashlight.

Last night in the computer lab, I caught David skipping out on group work to browse a forum for flashlight enthusiasts.

Did I mention that half my grade depends on him?

Guess which graf I didn't write!

"Hi, I'm Kiefer Sutherland and-" BUFFERING

Adam's gonna be Jack Bauer circa the beginning of season two.

Tony's gonna be Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys.

Steven's gonna be the masked man who thinks he can steal people's souls from I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK.

I need a viable Halloween costume idea.

Shit like this just isn't within my means.

That I don't wear contacts complicates matters. Chet from Weird Science is out. So is Jeffrey from Project Runway 3, unless I get prescription sunglasses.

I'm leaning toward being Frank Costello from The Departed. All I need is a trench coat and a…black dildo.


Or I could be a Chipotle burrito!

Boo-Rito [Chipotle]
Chipotle Free Burrito Days [Wikipedia]
Ignignokt 12:6 [Flickr]

Red bull gives you wings

This news brief somehow slipped past me:

Fox, alone among the Big Four networks without a late-night franchise, is now developing a pilot called "This Just In," from "24" executive producer Joel Surnow, that's being described as a conservative answer to "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart."

Um… CNBC already tried it with Dennis Miller and the show failed miserably.

Also: Wouldn't conservatives rather watch Leno?

OK, who's laughing now? [Los Angeles Times]

Whores and Marriage

Another year, another wedding. I'm gonna be a groomsman at the next one.

Family friend Crystal wed this weekend in Aptos.

Whoever arranged accommodations had me room with the groom Kyle on the eve of his wedding. Mind you, Crystal is the one I know.

When Crystal and Kyle exchanged rings, I secretly hoped hers was the One Ring, and when slipped on, she would disappear.

The reception began with a biographical video slideshow set to "Circle of Life" from The Lion King, "Remember Me This Way" by Jordan Hill and another maudlin song I can't remember. The whole thing seemed more appropriate for a funeral.

Remember you this way? I thought. You're both under 25. I'm older than both of you. The best man is 14 years old, for fuck's sake!

His toast was not very eloquent.

I think weddings should be themed, like bar mitzvahs. Of course, most couples would probably choose "love."

For $80 a person, you get tri-tip — just not cooked properly.

I asked the tender of the open bar for Coke with grenadine (or "that cherry flavor liquid," to be exact). He filled a glass 2/3 full with grenadine and the rest with Coke.

The service staff forgot to remove the wedding cake's outer fondant layer.

I understand that wedding music must appeal to people of all generations, but seeing attendees pakt like sardines on an 180 square foot dance floor, I secretly hoped the DJ would segue from "We Are Family" into some house music.

Instead, he segued into "Livin' La Vida Loca."

Worse, he played "Who Let the Dogs Out" during the garter belt ceremony.

I've always hated garter belt ceremonies. I don't see the fun in identifying yourself as a loser.

Partly Cloudy [Adam Riff™]


David Eckstein of the St. Louis Cardinals put over TNA Wrestling in World Series interviews. He made a point to the media of saying that both Kevin Nash and Mike Tenay would be attending game one of the series and would be supporting the Cardinals. He noted that he's heard Rhino has season tickets to the Tigers but is trying to convert him into being a Cardinals fan, plugged that TNA has a PPV.

I'd expect this kind of talk from A.J. Pierzynski, but David Eckstein?

31 years young.

Who knew?

Baseball player puts over TNA to World Series press [Wrestling Observer]
Why We Can't Take The White Sox Seriously [Deadspin]

Losing My Edge

Peter Hartlaub:

Much can be learned from "Snakes on a Plane," a stupid piece of cinema that turned into a really good thing on the Internet but was discovered by the mainstream and became totally overexposed — all before the movie was even released. And in retrospect, the fact that it ended up making less than $35 million in the United States makes perfect sense. Imagine if your parents started listening to "Master of Puppets" back in 1986. Would you have ever attended another Metallica concert?

I fear Borat will suffer the same fate, and undeservedly so (from what I hear).

When Snakes opened below expectations, the media's bewildered response amused me.

"How could this happen?"

…How could this happen?

1. The Internet threatens the established media's livelihood.

2. In order to keep up with the Internet, the media turns to the Internet for story ideas.

3. By covering what the Internet has already exposed to the world, the media force-feeds the public excess exposure, thus spoiling items of enjoyment for many.

Snakes' disappointing box office performance was (partly) collateral damage generated by the media's campaign to stay relevant.

I pray its war chest runs dry soon.

Is YouTube Dead? When the Man comes knocking, you can bet the party stops rocking [San Francisco Chronicle]

Smorgasbored: Number Two! Number Two!

The Best Horror Movie Deaths [Maxim]
Sony BRAVIA Paint Ad [Bravia]
Roller Coaster Massacre! [Destructoid]
Prison Break has different theme music in France [Blowing Smoke]
The Night I Saw Prince's Penis [The Letter D]
Marvel Comics will debut their newest superhero on the CBS soap opera "Guiding Light" [TMZ]
The participants do their "take" on the subject matter and post it [BlueSky Studios Challenge]