My salsa breaks strong blue corn chips

Sweltering heat, proposal due in 12 hours — perfect time for a power-out.

My block was the only one in the area affected.

Couldn't properly finish the proposal, couldn't sleep because of the heat.

[sigh] I'm so electricity's bitch.


[sniff]

Who the hell buys candles that smell like a sugar cookie? The scent is very distracting! Especially when you're trying to write.


My assignment for class today? Write a cover letter.

Oi… I hope the professor grades on a curve.


Chris Cornell has written and recorded the theme song to Casino Royale, the newest James Bond flick. [source]

The Broccoli family sure knows how to pick 'em. a-ha, Garbage, Chris freakin' Cornell…

Second year of university, the only song my roommate ever played through his computer speakers was Cornell's "Preaching the End of the World." Fortunately for him, I'm passive-aggressive.


One of my father's friend's daughters is getting married in October.

She doesn't want a priest officiating her wedding, so my brother offered to officiate as a Deputy Marriage Commissioner.

To do so, however, you must be at least 18 years old. He's only 16.

Now the bride's parents are asking ME to solemnize their daughter's marriage.

"Request an appointment as a Deputy Marriage Commissioner for a Day!"

Watching Jon Yu officiate his or her child's wedding — that's gotta be every parent's worst nightmare.


Soon I'll need my toes to count the number of white guy / Asian girl weddings I've attended.


Kiefer Sutherland, Natalie Portman, Michael Imperioli, Joe Pantoliano and The White Stripes to guest voice next season on The Simpsons
"Other upcoming guest voices include famed authors Tom Wolfe, Gore Vidal, Michael Chabon and Jonathan Franzen."

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