The Second Stanza of the Tony Danza Tap Dance Extravaganza

Jay Mariotti:

One incident involved [Ozzie] Guillen himself on a night in Baltimore when he stood naked behind me in the clubhouse and — how do I put this? — pretended to have sex with me. [source]

Is it wrong that I'm amused?

While waiting to get my hair cut, I flipped through a "best of Silicon Valley" feature in the June issue of San Jose magazine.

Apparently, the best bookstore in all of Silicon Valley is…Barnes and Noble.

On the way home, I saw a minivan with a decal on its back window that read: "powered by Jesus."

Gee, golly, I thought. Screw hybrids!

I really need a digital camera to document my observations.

ABC News juxtaposed pre- and post-bloat images of several male actors.

Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau are their very own obesity epidemic.

Missing from the gallery? Mark Hamill.

Is there a film cast that has aged less gracefully than the cast of Star Wars?

Carrie Fisher looks like Jerri Blank, and Harrison Ford could swap roles with Sean Connery in Indiana Jones 4.

In theory, a Philadelphia Roll (salmon + cream cheese + rice + nori) should be delicious.

Salmon and cream cheese taste good together. Salmon and rice taste good together.

Cream cheese and rice, however, tastes like cream cheese. In a Philadelphia Roll, the flavor of cream cheese thus overpowers the flavor of salmon.

Picture a cream cheese-flavored bagel with cream cheese and lox on top. That's too much cream cheese!

Once, at Kabuki, I ordered a Philadelphia Roll and might as well have just eaten a block of cream cheese.

"Waiters Who Are Nauseated By Food" is a favorite sketch of mine from the short-lived Dana Carvey Show, which, in retrospect, involved an embarrassment of comedic riches: Steve Carell, Stephen Colbert, Robert Smigel, Louis CK, Dave Chappelle, et al.

Another fun Dana Carvey Show sketch: "First Ladies as Dogs"

Sadly, YouTube's sketch selection is incomplete. No "Grandma the Clown," for one. I should rip my VHS copy of all seven episodes sometime.

foods that nauseate me
American cheese
avocado (pure)
cheese cracker and peanut butter sandwiches
Cold Stone Creamery ice cream
salad dressing (Thousand Island and Ranch in particular)

+ top 10 things I'd be upset about if I were William Shakespeare
+ eight ways to kill someone by using an iPod Nano, according to ex-marine Brad Collum