I have a married Tibetan girlfriend

Surely there must be a way to access an Olympic-size swimming pool without paying unreasonable gym fees. I don't want to do cardio, I don't want to lift weights; I just want to swim laps.

I haven't been able to swim in over a year, during which time I've exercised by running. Problem is, I hate running, I hate sweating, I sweat heavily and I'm allergic to antiperspirants, an ailment I discovered after slathering Degree on my face as a teenager.

When I get a job, my first luxury purchase will be an aquatic center. I'll recoup some of the cost with memberships, invitation-only though to ensure that I never have to share a lane.

MTV2's All That Rocks show just might overtake Spike TV's Video Game Awards as the awards show that most screams "parent desperately trying to be cool."

A few of the nomination categories:

Freshest MC
There Are None Higher, Ultimate Metal God
Sucker Free MVP
Sickest Sports Moment
Insane New Game


Has anyone besides MTV2 ever used the term "sucker free"?

Even the press release is embarrassing!

"All That Rocks" is the first show of its kind to recognize the emerging "Do It Yourself" generation obsessed with technology and pop culture with an attitude influenced only by what rocks their world.

"All That Rocks" gives the MTV2 viewers an opportunity to truly take their 'DIY' attitude to another level.

Yes, "do it yourself" by supporting our shitty, pre-determined (and likely paid for) nominees.

"Enter to win an RV for a week" read the placard on my table at Fresh Choice.

One whole week!

Reminded me of when Ray and Yolanda won a one-year lease on two Mercedes-Benzes this past season on The Amazing Race.

If you're gonna offer a car and then fuckin' ask for it back, don't offer a car to begin with!

Stingy sponsors… The Price Is Right gives away two cars a day!

I stumbled upon this news brief from 2004:

Among the roles [Ricky] Gervais has turned down are English butler Higgins in George Clooney's remake of 80s TV program Magnum PI, a part alongside Al Pacino in The Merchant Of Venice, a role in the upcoming Pirates Of The Caribbean sequel, and a cameo in TV drama 24. [source]

The producers of 24 probably had "doomed Bauer accomplice" in mind, but I'd like to believe they courted him for the role of Audrey's husband.

Seeing Kiefer Sutherland torture Ricky Gervais with the power cord of a lamp would've made season four completely worthwhile.

Marvel vs. DC
"We'll examine each match-up and then we will compare and contrast who the readers voted for with who would really win each bout."

How A Wet T-Shirt Can Shoot Up Movie Sales
"Wow – a politically charged, black and white drama – converted into a hot and happening movie with a wet-t-shirt scene. Nice!"

Japan Funnies
"What a way to wake up!"