Okay, this is my last Lost recap. I hate writing them and usually end up hating what I wrote.
Sayid: Who are you?
?: Henry Gale.
Sayid: Lies! You are one of them!
Walt: Dad, the Others are posers. They're pretending!
Miss Klugh: [to Michael] We'll free both you and your son for the safe return of our man and the names on this list.
[Klugh's list reads "Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Hurley"]
Michael: Let's go after Walt! Us five!
Eko: [to Locke] If you don't push the button, I will.
2-23 "Live Together, Die Alone"
Charles Widmore: Stay away from my daughter, Desmond. She's moved on.
Part-Time Office Assistants
Small arctic outpost is looking for part-time office assistants to monitor electromagnetic anomalies. Candidates should be able to work independently.
This is a part-time job.
no Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
no Please, no phone calls about this job!
no Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
no Reposting this message elsewhere is NOT OK.
Penelope Widmore: Hello?
Ruskie: I think we found it.
Locke: One minute left. Eko nearly killed himself trying to blast the door open after we locked him out, but his cooler head will prevail when I show him the button ain't shit. No whammies! Heh.
Desmond: Whammies… Oh fuck! You have to push the button, dude! I was late one time and this island generated a magnetic cataclysm which I think crashed your plane! Push the button now!
Locke: How 'bout I do this instead? [destroys the button]
[time expires, a magnetic cataclysm begins to destroy the hatch]
Locke: Oops. My bad. [pause] Where are you going?
Desmond: To save the day.
[Desmond crawls underground, activates a key switch, the sky turns violet, a loud noise deafens all island residents]
Locke: Why did you come back?
Desmond: I couldn't bear not knowing what happens when the mysterious button is left unpushed.
Two months earlier…
[Desmond catches Kelvin trying to flee the island on his boat and kills him]
Desmond: Shit! The button!
Kelvin: I'm down here.
[Desmond crawls underground, sees Desmond sitting beside a "system termination" key switch]
Kelvin: I couldn't do it.
Desmond: Do what?
Kelvin: Suck my own cock. It's hard out here for my libido. Nobody around who isn't a hostile… [pause] I ain't no fag.
Desmond: Where am I?
Kelvin: You washed ashore. I carried you into the hatch. [clears throat] What did one snowman say to the other?
Kelvin: Oh you've got to be kidding me! You're not my replacement?
Henry: [to Mr. Friendly] Where's your beard?
Tom ("Mr. Friendly"): I think they know.
Henry: [sigh] Help these days… [to Michael] You, take your son and leave. [to Hurley] You, return to camp and tell everybody to keep away from here. Your friends are coming with us.
Hurley: Who are you people?
Henry: We're the good guys.
Next season on Lost:
[an Other leads Jack into a cavern]
Jack: Holy shit!
?: Listen, doc, if you can ignore my size and appearance for a sec, I'm in desperate need of a foot. I went out for a walk one day and all of a sudden the ground started leaking liquid nitrogen.