Lord, please lead us to Ricardo Diaz

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Cindy Sheehan plans to tie herself to the White House fence.

I think she'd be infinitely more entertaining as an activist magician.

Cindy Sheehan and other peace activists plan to "die symbolically" for the next four days outside the White House to represent the U.S. soldiers who have died in Iraq.

"I'll be laying down and not getting up," Sheehan said. [source]

"Then I'll be buried alive only to re-appear inside the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier!"

Laying down and not getting up for four days? Sounds like something David Blaine would do.

The Cubs better not complete the baseball exorcism cycle next year.

If history has taught us anything, it's that the Cubs win the World Series in 2015 against the Miami Gators.

A Cubs championship before then, however unlikely, would undercut the epic nature of their destiny.

"100-to-1 shot!"

No, I'm not delusional. The Devil Rays become the Miami Gators, National League teams throw a few games — the stage is set.

"Cubs win World Series against Miami."

In addition to overcoming 107 years of futility, they can do what the Red Sox and White Sox could not — ensure Back to the Future: Part II continuity.

AP: Cartman once described independent movies as "gay cowboys eating pudding." Now we have "Brokeback Mountain," an upcoming movie by Ang Lee about gay cowboys.
Stone: If they have pudding in that movie, I'm going to lose my mind.