Ringtone merchants should consider branching out and selling custom horntones for automobiles. "Move, bitch, get out the way!" I'd want either that one or "the most annoying noise in the world" from Dumb and Dumber. Samuel L. Jackson's "English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?" from…
Date Archives August 2005
Canadian Achin'
An unreleased guitar solo by the late "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott will appear on a new Nickelback song that was written as a tribute to the guitarist. "I was very upset, and for two months, if I saw his picture somewhere I would get angry," frontman…
Fledermaus Hunt
Lucy Lawless ("Xena: Warrior Princess") reprises her role as Dr. Maddy Rierdon from the highly-rated CBS Television Movie "Locusts" in VAMPIRE BATS, a new television movie for broadcast Sunday, Oct. 30. A former USDA voracious insect specialist who is now a college professor, Rierdon, in…
Inchoate Bathroom
That Gwen Stefani song "Hollaback Girl" was my shit before it was everyone's shit. But she already said it was her shit in the song, so I guess it was bound to be somebody's shit. Kanye West is the Terrell Owens of hip hop, constantly…
Here it is, your moment of Zen
Damn you, WWE, for teasing the return of Bret Hart (in Montreal, no less). You want Bret? You're not gonna get Bret because I screwed Bret. I did it once and I'd do it again. If Bret "The Hitman" Hart had any guts, he'd walk…
Created in darkness by troubled Americans
Ryan's actual plates I saw a car in Tower Records' parking lot that screamed "my owner wants to irritate Jon." Its rear end boasted a yellow ribbon, "W '04" and "Viva Bush" stickers, four stickers for the local country music radio station, and this beauty:…
Did you say "Massachusetts"?
I paid $60 for gas this weekend. 91 octane requirements — the perks of driving a Lexus. I heard "Nookie" by Limp Bizkit for the first time in years today on Channel 104.9, a Bay Area radio station that bills itself as "the new rock…
Shades
Round 1: Elijah Wood in Sin City vs. Konstantin Khabensky in Night Watch. Round 2: Elijah Wood in Everything Is Illuminated vs. Philip Seymour Hoffman in Capote. Round 3: Elijah Wood in Sin City vs. Elijah Wood in Everything Is Illuminated. Winner: Dr. Otto Scratchensniff
I will smash your face into a jelly
I hope "My Doorbell" evolves through live performance tinkering into a rockin' "Trapped in the Closet"-style operetta. I'm thinkin' about my dinner. When you gonna make it? When you gonna make it? I'm thinkin' about my mistress. "When you gonna abort it?" "When you gonna…
Despairaoke
Pentagon announces September 11 concert "This year the Department of Defence will initiate an America Supports Your Freedom Walk," Rumsfeld said, adding that the march would remind people of "the sacrifices of this generation and of each previous generation". The march will start at the…