System, We're Goin' Down

Stop me if you've heard this one: "From the producer of xXx."

Stealth crashed and burned this past weekend, opening in fourth with $13.5 million, roughly 10% of its $130 million budget.

Earlier this summer, xXx: State of the Union opened in third and flatlined at $26 million, roughly 30% of its $87 million budget.

I hope this double whammy finally convinces studios to quit perpetuating marketing usage of the line "from the producer and/or director of xXx and/or The Fast and the Furious."

The use of "from the _____ of _____" implies that a) the referenced film is memorable and b) audiences enjoyed said film enough to want more of the like.

Therein lies the problem.

Who remembers anything about xXx besides its title and the bazooka that was clearly a Sony camcorder? Sure, the film turned a profit, but it was more of a "good enough to greenlight Elektra"-type haul than a "prep Shrek 3 and 4 immediately" one.

Moreover, who saw xXx and exited the theatre thinking "I want more of the like!"? Only $26-million-divided-by-$8 people, evidently, minus those who walked out of Torque thinking "I want more of the like!"

A mid-level job applicant would never willingly disclose that he or she was "from the local Kum and Go gas station."

Why, then, do so many movies?

"From the director of Armageddon."


If you don't have anything nice to say…

When The Skeleton Key bombs in two weeks, about a month-and-a-half after Dark Water bombed, I hope studios request last rites for the line "from the writer and/or creators of The Ring and/or Ringu" as well.

As well. Get it?

Hahaha. Oh, I kill me.

While in the U.K. for a series of concerts, The Game is scheduled to visit Buckingham Palace.

Word is The Game wanted to visit the palace because he's a fan of the Queen of England's jewelry. He requested a personal invite to tour the historical palace. The Compton MC was granted permission after Prince Harry, who is a fan of The Game's music, made a personal request to authorize the visit.

The Game: This is how you do?
Queen: Yes. Today, at least. A 14-karat two-tone diamond brooch.
Harry: Sieg heil! [sound of bubbling water]

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