When we dance, the vomit shakes


Apparently everything went wrong that could go wrong at what was supposed to be the splashy premiere of "Fantastic Four," for which stars and press were shipped out of Manhattan and onto Liberty Island.

The fun was dampened by a torrential downpour that soaked the cast and shook up their ferry, rendering one of the movie's stars, Jessica Alba, too seasick to talk to the press.

Another of the film's stars, Ioan Gruffudd, whose date "hobbled about in a broken Jimmy Choo heel," had but one word for a reporter who asked him how he felt on his big night: "Moist."

Then the projector broke just a few minutes into the film, necessitating a retreat to a Manhattan theater; the boats for the return trip were late to arrive; the firework finale was backward and obscured; and the whole debacle didn't finish up until 2 a.m.

Other gripes: "The chairs were soaking, and the only food was ice cream."

Said one attendee, "It was quite possibly the worst film premiere ever."

Comeuppance is so goddamn satisfying.

I stopped regularly reading newspaper comics pages in college and was surprised to see the other day that Darryl and Wanda of Baby Blues had another child, raising the total to three.

As one of the few strips that acknowledges the passing of time, albeit gradually, I assume Baby Blues will continue adding babies in the future to ensure the type of blues its title promises.

How cool would it be if someday, someone exposes Baby Blues as nothing more than a long-term propaganda effort of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?

David Wain should ditch Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter for Tony Hale (from Fox's Arrested Development) and Andy Dick.

Zach Galifianakis' finest moments