In the game Operation, players remove body parts from a patient. One of the body parts up for removal is an Adam's apple. The patient, however, has no penis. The only possible explanation for all this is that the patient is midway through a sex…
Date Archives March 2005
No worst than a beast
"we have different tastes, he likes green day and power pop punk, and I like the rest." steven on me in his review of sxsw Steven will seize any opportunity to goof on me for listening to Green Day. Am I supposed to be offended?…
Enjoy the Hanukkah cookie, man
Rob Thomas, the singer for Matchbox 20, will release his debut solo album Something To Be on April 19. Evidently, in an effort to be taken more seriously, Thomas shaved off his faggy pirate hair and removed his faggy pirate earrings. I left me Survivor…
Race City
Hey Noah, here's an idea: bagels…at night! College basketball journal: I'm so glad my school colors didn't include orange. Patrick Sparks is a little chubby for a basketball player. What's more repulsive: Seth Davis' shit-eating grin or Pierre from Simple Plan's affected laughter when parents…
Quickie
July 6 at the Hollywood Bowl: "Video Games Live" A live concert featuring full orchestra/chorus performing music from video games including Halo, Metal Gear Solid, WarCraft, Tron, Myst and more. Plus laser and light sequences, video clips and characters, and a segment dedicated to retro…
Delusions of Adequacy
I almost crashed into another car yesterday while having phone sex with an OnStar receptionist. I saw a commercial for a Lexus with a keyless push-button start. Did Toyota want to make it easier for people to steal cars? Kung Fu Hustle is rated R….
Chocolate Lucky Charms
Matt: didn't it occur to you that in B.E.N., his middle name might start with an e? Neal Pollack on an unofficial Spin magazine after-show party at SXSW: MC Chris, from Adult Swim, did some rapping. I know that sounds square, but it really was…
Homeboy came out red, ma
We don't receive much e-mail concerning our website, so when we do receive some one, it's cause for celebration. Adam's bustin' out the 151 as I type. B.E.N. (either he's a geek or he's trying to hide a hippie double surname like "Eggleston-Nacogdoches") writes: i'm…
F*ck this for a game of soldiers 4
This is Tony and Matt's apartment in Ann Arbor, MI, the second pit stop in a race around the country. "The Unnecessary Race (Season Finale)" I felt like a contractor decided to build an apartment complex out of leftover materials from previous projects. Brick walls,…
Ten Cups of Coffee
If I was Terri Schiavo's husband, I'd file for divorce right now and go to Las Vegas. My statement to the press? "Fuck you all! I'm a married man who's hasn't had sex in 15 years. You want to keep the bitch alive? [channeling Brad…