Actually, I'm currently unemployed

Judging by what's on television nowadays, the American public is clearly fascinated by the premise that anything and everything can be "improved" — bodies, houses, cars, lives, etc.

With that said, someone should consider a makeover show for frat parties.

I think there is good money in a show on which a team of dubious experts help a fraternity put on its dream themed party.

"Okay, the brothers of Tau Beta Chi love Willy Wonka, so we're gonna create a chocolate river that runs through the house and install a vertical wind tunnel in the backyard replete with a bubble machine and champagne bar to serve as the Fizzy Lifting Drink room."

Speaking of frat parties…

Jesus Cuellar, a sophomore majoring in Spanish, said he went to The Row the night of Alpha Epsilon Pi's Once Upon a Time in Mexico party and saw a chain-link fence, barbed wire, a "Danger Keep Out" sign, flashing red lights and a cardboard poster reading "Welcome to Mexico" outside of the fraternity house.

Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity hosted a party that was promoted as having an L.A. Riots theme on Thursday, Feb. 3.

In spring 2004, the Delta Tau Delta fraternity hosted a party titled "Mekong Delta," which focused on the Vietnam War.

The University of Southern California, ladies and gentlemen.

In high school, each year, our marching band conceived a halftime show involving the score of a movie or a musical. I remember one year, the band performed a show based on Independence Day that featured a pathetic homemade alien saucer.

I always thought the marching band should have performed a show based on Saving Private Ryan. I pictured explosives planted underneath the field detonating and band members collapsing one by one until there was only a trumpet player left standing and then he or she would play "Taps."

Unfortunately, Scott didn't share my vision.