Where did the lighter fluid come from?

"One family claims their frying pan contains the image of Jesus. Tonight at 10."

UPN 13 News is absolutely unwatchable.

California released its state quarter into circulation on Monday.

I'm disappointed.

From a pool of designs that included the Golden Gate Bridge, the Gold Rush, giant redwood trees, and a gay illegal immigrant with fake breasts surfing to work beneath a smog-ridden sky, Governor Schwarzenegger (whose signature proudly graces my college diploma) selected the image of someone named "John Muir" standing on a rock staring into space, about to have an eye poked out by a disproportionately large condor.

My first impression of my state's quarter was: Isn't this a game on The Price Is Right?

Schwarzenegger reportedly instructed the U.S. Mint to "hace the vista one, baby!"

I saw a commercial promoting Nick at Nite that featured clips of The Cosby Show, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Full House, Murphy Brown and Roseanne.

Boy, do I feel old.

The Starburst commercial that parodies the video for "Hello" by Lionel Richie is hi-fuckin'-larious, especially when the boy makes out with the candy bust.

I don't like the typography of the Super Bowl XXXIX logo. The roman numeral font is hideous, as is the merging of the numerals with hideous wavy elements.

Next year is Super Bowl XL. How badass is that name?

Super Bowl X-L!

It's only fitting that the host city for Super Bowl XL is Detroit (which, for the past seven years, was America's fattest city).

The weather in Detroit is supposed to be 39° and cloudy on Sunday. I can't wait to see the party goin' down in the 313 this time next year.

$100 says that Kid Rock performs in some capacity.

Future badass Super Bowl names: Super Bowl LX, Super Bowl XC, Super Bowl CIV, Super Bowl CXI (in Miami?) and Super Bowl LV.

We been spending most our lives livin' in a gangsta's paradise…

To the host cities of Super Bowl L and Super Bowl C, may I suggest "Super Bowl L Domingo Gigante!" and "SBC presented by SBC" as alternative appellations, respectively? Otherwise, the bowl names sound super weak.

I feel sorry for the designer of the Super Bowl LXXXVIII logo. Good luck incorporating that number.

Steve Perry as Robocop.
This should be the Super Bowl XL halftime show.