Is Pete Carroll capable of emoting anything besides happy-go-luckiness?

Because Rory refuses to, let me just say, "Congratulations, USC." I may not like their football team, but a major college championship by way of a blowout win benefits our much persecuted conference a lot.

Also, I take comfort in knowing that my mediocre Bruins almost beat the Trojans this year. According to my calculations, we lost by 31 points less than the supposed number two team in the country.