Did anyone see yesterday's episode of The Price Is Right? A contestant successfully bid for a grandfather clock and then Bob showed her the prize she would be playing for: an all-expense-paid trip for two to Thailand.
Bob: Jeanette, you're going to play "What's Worth Less Than Laura Bush?"
Bob: Over here are six items. Four of them contribute less to society than First Lady Laura Bush. In order to win the trip, you must identify those four items.
Bob: Rich, what do we have for Jeanette today?
Rich: First off, counterfeit Monopoly money! $5,000 in Monopoly money we paid a hairy Greek man at the FedEx Kinko's down the street to reproduce.
Rich: Next up, a public service announcement by Paris Hilton! A 30-second television spot in which the hotel heiress espouses the benefits of "being yourself."
Rich: Next up, RealPlayer or Real One or whatever the hell it's called this week! A bloated, invasive media player with a media format that is still inexplicably used by some.
Rich: Next up, the complete Sonic Youth discography! Over 20 years of iconoclastic coasters that also play music in the event that you run out of Scent Stories.
Rich: Next up, Wyoming! The 44th state admitted to the Union whose motto is "equal rights," despite having a state law that defines marriage as a union between men and women only.
Rich: Finally, used toilet paper! Pungent burnt-sienna-streaked Charmin from my bout with diarrhea 15 minutes ago in the employee restroom.
Bob: Okay, let's see how much Laura Bush is worth today.
Bob: Now Jeanette, which of these items do you think are worth less than $0.13?
Audience: Monopoly money! RealPlayer! Wyoming!
Jeanette: The Monopoly money.
Jeanette: The public service announcement by Paris Hilton.
Jeanette: The Sonic Youth discography.
Audience: Wyoming! Toilet paper!
Jeanette: The toilet paper.
Bob: Okay, Jeanette. You selected the counterfeit Monopoly money, the public service announcement by Paris Hilton, the Sonic Youth discography and Rich's used toilet paper. Show us the value of the counterfeit Monopoly money!
[loser music plays]
Bob: I'm sorry, Jeanette. Let's see the values of the other items. $1.00, $0.67, $0.18, $0.73, $0.42. Well, it seems that nothing is more worthless than Laura Bush. We'll be back with Showcase Showdown #1 after these messages.