Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed?

Here's the back story:

My buddy Jose covers the video game beat for the Washington Post. He claims to be the only serious game beat reporter for a newspaper in America. About half of the game beat articles he's written so far have made the front page of the Post.

Also: he's a gay man whose primary interests are politics, figure skating and whoever's on the cover of Us Weekly.

He'll be in Los Angeles next week to cover the 2004 Spike TV Video Game Awards.

His next game beat article will supposedly run on the front page of Wednesday's Post.

So now then.

Jose called me yesterday.

Jose: I need your help.
Me: Okay.
Jose: What's an MC?

[raise eyebrows]

Me: A person who rhymes into a microphone.
Jose: Is an MC the same as a DJ?

[raise eyebrows]

Me: No. A DJ supplies the music that an MC rhymes over.
Jose: Oh.

Jose: I'm writing an article on video game soundtracks and the recording industry.
Me: Okay…
Jose: This year, over 2000 musical artists submitted songs for placement on the Madden 2005 soundtrack. The heavy rotation of a song on the game's soundtrack combined with an annual audience of 15 million make Madden an attractive forum to promote music.
Me: Right.
Jose: Do you know the song "American Idiot" by Green Day?

[raise eyebrows]

Me: Uh…yeah?
Jose: I talked to Billie Joe on the phone.

[raise eyebrows]

Jose: He's a nice guy. He said Green Day rushed recording sessions for American Idiot the album in order to get "American Idiot" the song on the Madden 2005 soundtrack.
Me: Okay…

Jose: Have you heard of The Game?
Me: Triple H?
Jose: Who?
Me: The wrestler.
Jose: No, no. The Game is a rapper. His real name is Chuck Taylor.
Me: Like the shoe guy?
Jose: Who?
Me: Never mind.
Jose: Anyway, one of The Game's songs was recently featured in a video game. He says he hopes the exposure will help him become a major MC.
Me: Okay…
Jose: I need examples of major MCs. Is Jay-Z one?
Me: Yup.
Jose: What about Snoop Dogg?
Me: Eh. Use Eminem instead. Jay-Z and Eminem are probably the most major MCs right now.
Jose: Well, I'm going to use Snoop Dogg because I talked to him on the phone.

[raise eyebrows]

Jose: "Taylor hopes the exposure will help him become a major MC like Jay-Z and Snoop Dogg."

Jose: I'll be in Los Angeles from Sunday to Wednesday. The show is on Tuesday. On Monday, I'm having dinner with the president of Spike TV.

[raise eyebrows]

Me: Okay. I fly back from San Francisco on Sunday morning.
Jose: Will you be free Sunday afternoon?
Me: Probably. Why?
Jose: I need you to take me to South Central.

[raise eyebrows]

Jon: I'm sorry?
Jose: I need to find people in South Central who play Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.

[raise eyebrows]

Me: Okay…
Jose: I'm working on an article on how Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas fans in a Los Angeles ghetto view the game.
Me: I see…
Jose: So you'll be free to roam around South Central with me on Sunday?
Me: Sure…

This article on Grand Theft Auto better make A1.

Jose: Did I tell you that the people at Rockstar refuse to talk to me?
Me: Oh?
Jose: Yeah. They won't talk to me…

Best Villain 2004 nominees
David Carradine ("Bill") — Kill Bill: Vol. 2
Alfred Molina ("Dr. Octopus") — Spider-Man 2
Tom Cruise ("Vincent") — Collateral
Kim Jong-Il (as himself) — Team America: World Police
Jim Carrey ("Count Olaf") — Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events

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