Capitalism Stole My Virginity

Doesn't it seem like retail stores open earlier and earlier every year on the day after Thanksgiving? It used to be like 8:00 am. Now it's 6:00 am. I saw a television commercial for some department store that said it'd be open at 5:30 am. Why don't stores just start selling shit at midnight? Wouldn't that make more sense? If I worked in retail, I'd rather report to work at 10:30 pm than 4:30 am.

What's sad is that many people actually show up hours before stores open to wait in line to capitalize on early bird savings (because when else can you buy a fondue set for five dollars [after mail-in rebate]?).

Stores should only offer their best deals between 10:50 pm – 11:00 pm on Black Friday. Force the chumps who basically pull all-nighters in the name of shopping to stay awake for the best savings after a long day of gorging themselves on low-end consumer goods. Let them have all the $15 DVD players they want, but really test their desire for $0.99 paper shredders.

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