There's an old football tradition that states that the Washington Redskins are an indicator of who will be elected President. If the Redskins win on the weekend before Election Day, it's a Republican. If they lose, it's a Democrat. Well, this year, they play the…
Date Archives September 2004
Oh Canada…
Former WWF superstar Bret "The Hitman" Hart will play The Genie of the Lamp in a Toronto production of Aladdin: The Magical Family Musical this holiday season. Producers screwed me out of the role in Montreal Unable to wrestle after Goldberg kicked him in the…
A pig in a cage on antibiotics
reporting from: newcastle, wa Saturday is National Run Against Bush Day. —Join 10,000 other runners in 100 cities across the country to show how you feel about this administration. Get it? Run against Bush? Running? Ha ha. It's a homonym. Maybe next Saturday can be…
Oreos and Beef Ramen
Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight… Well somebody told me You had a boyfriend Who looks like a girlfriend That I had in February of last year It's not confidential I've got potential A rushin', a rushin' around What the fuck is…
It's not over 'til you're underground
Viacom should launch a children's game show network. Double Dare, Fun House, Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?, Legends of the Hidden Temple, Nick Arcade, What Would You Do? — I'd hit that line-up. ("Shamrock Embolism," 09.12.04) Spidie: —Now, I don't know if these…
Breaking News!
Jram: —i just pooped my pants —… —went to fart, more than fart came out —underwear was unsalvageable —pants are in washer —wait —are you serious? —YES —you did not just shart —i sharted —BIG TIME —and now i have to miss the only class…
Written in Cold Blood with a Toothpick
reporting from: nor cal Apparently, Paige Price, the butch cunt who overthrew my beloved high school journalism adviser (go ahead and sue me for libel, you fuckin' witch), makes staff members watch the movie Shattered Glass as part of her "responsible journalism" agenda curriculum. I…
Shamrock Embolism
MTV refers to Nelly's two new albums as "Suit/Sweat," probably because it realizes how stupid "Sweat/Suit" sounds. Gene Rayburn: We surveyed the audience. Top three answers on the board. Please fill in the blank for this: _____ suit. You may ask three panelists for suggestions….
Weapons of Mutually Assured Destruction
Adam Robot: —http://eukaryotic.net/images/lj/cake.jpg —heh —you love it —that reminds me of an episode of geraldo i once saw —he profiled this girl's initiation into the ku klux klan on her 18th birthday —her parents bought her a birthday cake iced to look like a nazi…
With a little help from our friends
Sitcoms have clip shows. Adam Riff™ has the "feedback and addendum update." Hurricane Charley? ("Putting Shame in Your Name," 08.13.04) Ivan. Now that's a good name for a hurricane. Many Chinese people have English first names that sound ridiculous paired with a Chinese surname. ("Putting…