Bill Simmons once wrote something on ESPN.com's Page 2 (I'm too lazy to find the link) about scenes in movies that he could have done without, like the Jennifer Connelly lesbian butt fuck scene in Requiem for a Dream and any scene with Fabienne in Pulp Fiction.
I know it's March already and the Oscars are over, but I thought it'd be fun to take a look back at some of the most awkward, stupid and unessential scenes and moments from the past year in cinema:
In Spun, when The Cook visits Eric Roberts for help setting up a new meth lab. The inclusion of Roberts' character is very random and gratuitous. Did The Cook really need to visit a flaming gay tennis player reclining on a bed to get money to set up a meth lab? The screenwriter couldn't have just had him directly set up another lab or stop by an ATM?
In The Matrix Reloaded, the rave in Zion.
In The Matrix Reloaded, when Neo has to fight the Chinese guy before he can see The Oracle. Poor pretense to stage a lousy fight.
In The Matrix Reloaded, the deus ex machina that is The Architect.
In Hulk, the climactic scene at the end that was so lame and so off from the rest of the movie that it REEKED of the movie studio meddling in and telling Ang Lee Look, we'll let you do the movie your way but you HAVE to throw in this superhero slugfest… no, you HAVE TO… we DEMAND it. The scene was so lame that Ang Lee "shot" it in darkness and underwater so the entire sort-of fight was murky to the point of almost being invisible. You just KNOW he was ashamed of it.
In The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, at the end when the ground around Sean Connery's grave starts shaking. I couldn't stop laughing, half-expecting Connery's hand to reach out of the ground and not putting it past the filmmakers to have his character do so.
In Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life, when Lara Croft opens Pandora's Box slightly and then decides that she doesn't want to know what's inside and closes it and all is right with the world. You can't do that! Once you open Pandora's Box, the cat's out!
In S.W.A.T., when LL Cool J, at dinner at a restaurant, lifts up his shirt to show off his abs and then sings the S.W.A.T. theme song while doing the cabbage patch. Did anyone else find this strange? On a sidenote, doesn't that Gatorade commercial with LL Cool J "rapping" about places where Gatorade is consumed remind you of Howard Dean's speech after the Iowa Caucus? The Vet, the Met, the pit, the park, the lake, the Jake, the Bob…YEAAGGH!!!
In American Wedding, the dance-off between Stifler and a husky gay guy in a gay bar. I hate dance-offs in movies. They serve no purpose in advancing a story and are seemingly included only to get a few cheap laughs (if any) from the HI-larious visual of white people dancing. There's a dance-off in Starsky & Hutch between Ben Stiller and Har Mar Superstar and it's way lame. So was the one on the recent episode of Saturday Night Live hosted by Christina Aguilera, and so is the one in American Wedding.
In Elephant, all the uncut shots of people walking. Half this movie is footage of people walking.
In Elephant, when the two teenage gunmen get in the shower together and embrace and kiss before heading off to school to shoot people. The showering together and the kiss happen out of nowhere and the director never follows up on this unexpected behavior. It's just…there.
In The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, when the blond girl kills the evil black Shredder dude. The movie sets him up to be the mini-boss to Sauron. I didn't expect him to die so quickly. I am no man! What kind of bogus logic is that? Does that mean that on Star Trek, they boldly go where women may have gone before?
In The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, when Frodo wakes up in bed and sees Gandalf staring at him and they both start laughing and then everyone in the fellowship enters the room one by one to laugh with them and be gay in slow motion, lit with soft light.