Date Archives December 2003

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I have seen 99 movies in a theatre this year, theatre hopping only once (Elf). This will probably be number 100. After that, the drought begins. January is always the sorriest month of the year for cinema, and with Kill Bill: Vol. 2 possibly bumped…

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I'd like to thank terrorists for not letting me pee at subway stations —due to heightened security concerns. Do cable networks intend to mass rerun all of Jerry Bruckheimer's movies from the 90s this winter break? *** —does your buddy list randomly play movie trailers?…

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funkyfresh relapse: 2004

Filmmakers: Low-angle shots of treetops with infiltrating sunlight are not as profound as you think. Actual television commercial voice-over: —Metal detecting is one of America's fastest-growing hobbies. Another actual television commercial voice-over: Project Gotham Racing 2 exclusively for the XBox is —the best racing game…

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In 1997, I attended a benefit concert for a school for retarded children. During the Smashing Pumpkins' set, Billy Corgan brought out surprise guest Marilyn Manson and together they performed Manson's "The Beautiful People" while these retarded kids behind them on stage sat there unsure…

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Jon, what did you get for Christmas this year? A NEW CAR!!!!!!!!!! Rod Roddy. Never forget. No seriously, what did you get? A fourth single from Audioslave's debut album. Please, guys, spare us any more of your shitty music. The first three singles didn't exactly…

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—Billy Barf, whose acquaintance with anything Italian was limited to the deuteragonist of Donkey Kong and a few canned-pasta commercials, insisted on speaking with his imperfect idea of an ethnic accent until Isaiah Two Four, detecting not only its inauthenticity but also its potential for…

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Saturday night, I'm attending a screening of Kill Bill: Vol. 1 with Quentin Tarantino in person. The Egyptian Theatre in Hollywood screens a lot of movies with cast and crew members in person. Last Tuesday, I saw Big Fish there with Tim Burton in person….

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—I'm driving down to Los Angeles tomorrow. —Why? —The Chronicle wants me to cover the Latino boycott down there. —What Latino boycott? —You haven't heard about it? —Nope. —Nothing? —Nothing. Apparently, there's going to be a Latino boycott in California on Friday. —Ummm… Why are…

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The finale of Average Joe airs Monday night on NBC after… A Fear Factor Christmas. If you don't know, Average Joe is a reality show about a "stunning beauty queen" who is courted by 16 average-looking suitors. Halfway through the series, producers brought in three…

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Spin magazine says the revival of the year is "women [who] rock the main stage," providing Evanescence, The Distillers, The Donnas and The Yeah Yeah Yeahs as evidence. I don't know anyone who likes any of those bands though. Every once in a while, some…

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