jockin' turkey to my dismay

My family had Thanksgiving dinner at another family's house. They also invited other families who, unbeknownst to me, were from their church.

I was about to serve myself food when my father stopped me.

—Jon, wait until they pray.

Wait until they WHAT? I thought.

Mrs. Kang (the hostess) made everyone hold hands.

Christian Asians are so insufferable.


Mrs. Kang introduced me to the girl sitting next to me at my table.

—This is [I forget what her name is]. She's a doctoral student at Stanford.

We had an awkward conversation, with kids at our table quietly listening along.

—Where do you go to school?
—What's your major?
—Oh. That's…unusual…

I think from now on, I'm going to start telling people that I'm majoring in Fuck You.


Mr. Kang (the host) was strangely excited that I turned 21 last month.

—You should drink tonight!
—Have a glass of wine!
—If you don't like white wine, we have red wine!

I don't like wine at all, but I didn't want to be impolite, so I kept telling him that I'd have some later.

As I was serving myself food, Mr. Kang approached me with a glass of red wine.

—Here, drink up!

I took the glass of wine with me to my table with no intention of drinking it. Halfway through eating, I went to exchange the glass of wine for a can of Coke in the kitchen and Mr. Kang walked in. He thought I had gone back for more wine and insisted we drink together.

Shit, I thought.

He grabbed his glass, we clanked ours together and I pretended to enjoy a painful little sip.

—It's good, isn't it?
—Yeah… Very good…
—Here, let me fill up your glass!


Later in the evening, my father walked up to me with a grin on his face and asked —Jon, did you get drunk?

He wasn't being sarcastic.

EXITdriving my car