October 2003 • Adam Riff™

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My friend Adam attends USC. I told him about the annual All Hill Halloween event at UCLA where children from ghetto parts of Los Angeles are bused to campus to trick-or-treat safely in the dorms. —We do the same thing at my school, only we…

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on 30 Oct 03 25 Aug 10

As of now, the plan at WWE Survivor Series in November is for Vince McMahon to defeat The Undertaker in their "buried alive" match. This would lead to Taker taking an extended leave, only to return at Wrestlemania XX next year using his old "dead…

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on 28 Oct 03 25 Aug 10

Whenever I'm at Jamba Juice, I like to pretend to be 19th century literary characters when the person taking my order asks for a name. —How do you spell that? —L-O-R-D-space-F-A-U-N-T-L- —Hold up. L-O-R-D-space- —F-A-U-N-T-L-E-R-O-Y. Lord Fauntleroy. —I'm sorry, sir, that's too many characters. —Too…

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on 28 Oct 03 25 Aug 10

I came across a review of Kill Bill: Volume 1 on an "E/N" website. I'd like to share a few clips from it. Do you know "how" and "when" to punc-tu-ate? WHAT? She was getting married? Really? I would have never figured that out myself….

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on 24 Oct 03 25 Aug 10

Homecoming is this weekend at UCLA. I saw some people making floats for the sorry-ass parade. I remember in high school, each class would make a parade float for Homecoming. Students and parents would spend days designing and constructing these elaborate compositions of wood, chicken…

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on 23 Oct 03 25 Aug 10

On Friday, Apple will release Panther, the latest version of Mac OS X. I assumed they called it "Panther" because it's the follow-up to Mac OS X Jaguar. Then, I saw the box for Panther. All that's missing is a commercial with Louis Farrakhan speaking…

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on 22 Oct 03 25 Aug 10

And now, actual pitches for animated series: —It's about a sponge who wears pants and lives in a pineapple under the sea. —It's about vegetables who re-live Bible stories. —It's about the pride of white lions who perform in Siegfried & Roy's Las Vegas act….

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on 22 Oct 03 01 Aug 10

—who was in that class —the 27 one —hendrix —joplin —cobain —and one other person i cant remember —but maybe more —oh —the doors —morrison, i think —yeah, jim morrison —elliott smith was 34 —oh well —yeah —that would have been awesome —more succesful rock…

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on 19 Oct 03 25 Aug 10

—the bear trap in straw dogs —the eye gouge in 28 days later —joe pesci in goodfellas —when he beats the shit out of the made man The Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, TX compiled a list of the 100 best kills that have ever been…

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on 17 Oct 03 25 Aug 10

This has been the best and worst baseball post-season I've ever witnessed. Thrilling games make for heartbreaking losses. The Giants' close losses were depressing. The Cubs' Game 6 and 7 losses were frustrating. The Red Sox's Game 7 loss made Rory cry, nerves totally shot….