I saw a commercial for Dawn Plus Hand Care, a dishwashing liquid that contains unique skin-vitalizing proteins so you can clean the toughest grease and revitalize your skin's surface at the same time.

I like the convenience of two-in-one products. Why shampoo and then condition when you can do both at once? Why put in extra effort when you don't have to? Whitening toothpaste with mouthwash, peanut butter and jelly in the same jar, Kleenex with lotion — I like how consumer products manufacturers think.

Nickelodeon has licensed Spongebob Squarepants out to every fuckin' consumer product imaginable except the most obvious one: