"She came up here on her vacation because she liked shitty weather."
buddy bragg (ving rhames) in out of sight

Spring Break 2003:
Chicago, IL
Detroit, MI
Denver, CO
Seattle, WA
Vancouver, BC, Canada

I had a wonderful time in northern America. Granted, 80% of it was spent in a Ford automobile or on a couch in the TV room of various people's homes, but I still had a lot of fun. At the rate I update, it'll be summer before I finish discussing my spring break, so any reports will probably end up in the secret section of the site.

Straw Dogs

WrestleMania XIX

Acoustic Catharsis


I've been wearing the same pair of pants for the last month or so. I find myself going days at a time without changing shirts. In fact, I haven't changed out of my current outfit for five days now. I don't sleep anymore. Sometimes, I forget to shower. I think I may take school more seriously than anyone else I know. I picked the wrong major. Well, I didn't pick it, I was kinda forced into it, and I'll accept it, but it's just so work-intensive for a generic major. So much reading. I don't have time to have fun. Wait, I don't know how to have fun. School is fun! I sound so Asian. I'm a social anxiety wreck. I spend way too much time alone in my room. I turn 21 in October. I'm getting old. I graduate college in December. I need to stop masturbating so much. I need to start taking responsibility. I need to plan my future. I need a car. I mean, I REALLY need a car. I want to go to grad school. I want a masters degree in Com Sci. I suck at programming though. Can English undergrads even master in CS? I wish I could spend my life playing chess with computers like Garry Kasparov. I need to take the GRE. I need to find time to study for the GRE. I need teacher recommendations too, but how do you get good ones in a giant impersonal university environment? I wonder if my cumulative GPA is good enough. I hope 3.46 isn't too low. I wonder what my major GPA is. Am I even a good student? I feel like I'm in high school all over again, without the lure of underage drinking. But I don't drink. Correction: I don't like to drink. I'm not straight-edge. Alcohol makes me feel crappy. I took two finals today. I'm done with finals. Spring break starts early for me. If I drank, I'd probably be really drunk right now, but then I'd just feel crappier than usual, having taken those two finals today. Meanwhile, U Mich gets out in a month. Stupid semester system. I got my Hamlet paper back. I got an A-minus. The only grades I seem to get nowadays are A-minuses. Hey, I'm not complaining, considering the effort I put in, but it'd be nice to get the full 4.0 points for once. An A-minus is the equivalent of having a large, crooked penis. I'm tired. My eyes hurt. My nose is runny. This piece belongs in a LiveJournal. I can't wait to get out of sunny California and go someplace where it's cold and depressing.

Feminist Neanderthal

My mother likes to practice Chinese medicine.

When I was young, we had this form of therapy in our house called "scrape back."

To relieve aches and pains in the body, dip a porcelain soup spoon (the kind you find at many Chinese restaurants) in a mixture of rice wine and ginger and then repeatedly scrape the patient's back with the tip of the spoon. Doing so supposedly releases the "poisons" pent up inside the muscles.

Do you know what it's like to fear an eating utensil?

"Mommy, I fell off my bike today."

"Are you okay? Do you want your back scraped?"

"NO! No, aspirin will do…"

The screaming from my parents' bedroom usually wasn't a result of sex.

There is no spoon anymore. My mother now uses cups.

Take a glass container and create a vacuum on an area of the body that aches. Fire burns oxygen.

The vacuum sucks up the skin and draws "poisons" out of the muscles underneath. In some cases, it also draws blood through the pores of the skin.

Repeat as many times as necessary.

The only drawback to "cupping" is that you might look like the rape victim of a thermos afterward.

Home "cupping" kits that use a suction gun instead of fire to create vacuums are popular in China. We have two at home.

One day, I was in my parents' room watching television when my mother walked in and said: "Oi, my back hurts so much. Jon, do me a favor and suck me."


You love your mother.

And so, I raised the hairs on her half-naked body like a good boy as she moaned in relief.

When I finished, she wanted to return the favor.

"Your shoulder muscles are always so tense. You need to relax. Here, let me suck you."

I bled my first time.

Naked and Famous

Last year, I cancelled the Stupid Little Oscar® Game 5 because I needed the jackpot on short notice to go to Arizona. I've thought about it and I don't think I'm gonna resurrect the game this year. For one, I think too many Oscar® pools exist already. Plus, I'll be in Michigan on Oscar® night, so it'd be kinda impractical for me to run a game away from my computer.

However, I've decided to endorse another Oscar® game. The fine cinephiles at ourtinyworld have an Oscar® challenge. Their prize is a DVD of your choice. I figure a good DVD'll cost you about $24.99 or $25. I will throw in an extra $50, bringing the jackpot up to a retail value of $75, or one dollar for every year of Oscar®. (Although, if you ask for a Criterion set, you can probably jack up the retail value even higher. Hehe.)

This offer is only valid if you include the phrase "New England clam chowder" at the bottom of your ballot e-mail. If you win, I'll clear the "secret" phrase with them and if you followed directions, you got yourself a DVD and $50.

Go play, Adam.