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I was talking to my friend Shing online one day and she offered me tickets to the midnight screening of Attack of the Clones on opening day at the world famous Grauman's Chinese Theatre. I quickly snapped up six tickets for my friends and I.

On the day of the screening, I skipped class and arrived outside the Chinese at 8:00 AM. I expected the line to be pretty long, seeing as how there were actually people who camped out for several months to see Star Wars at midnight on opening day. To my surprise, the line only went around the corner, so I went around the corner and got in line. Two local news crews were already out interviewing people in line. I tried to focus on catching up with my reading for school, but it's really hard to read Mrs. Dalloway because it's 200 pages of straight text — no chapter or paragraph breaks and almost no dialogue. But I digress.

One reporter interviewed the guy in front of me in line and he got pissed because if he had shown up a minute later, he wouldn't have been interviewed. He then went down the street and bought two lawn chairs. He offered me one of them to sit in. I declined. He was later joined by another guy who decided to occupy the unoccupied lawn chair.

So now then.

I waited and waited and waited some more. A representative from Lego went around the line and gave away Star Wars related Lego merchandise. I got a Star Wars Lego t-shirt. A representative from Disney gave away Reign of Fire and Signs swag. I got a Signs hat. Around noon, a representative from the Burger King nearby went around and handed out free food. The line continued to grow. I met up with Shing and her roommate and Shing's Jedi costume caught the attention of the press and we were interviewed on camera a coupla times.

Then, my invites (who bothered going to class) showed up.

Around 4:00 PM, I was talking to Elizabeth when she interrupted me.

"Oh my God! Look! Isn't that…?"

I turned around and saw ELIJAH WOOD standing right next to me. Apparently, the guys sitting in the lawn chairs were Elijah Wood's friends.

I waited in line for Star Wars next to Frodo Baggins.

Needless to say, soon everyone in line wanted an autograph or a photograph with him and he just sat there and obliged, all the while chain smoking clove cigarettes. Keep in mind that the Chinese has a seating capacity of more than 2,200 people, so this was a lot of fanboys for him to be gratifying. Eventually, the commotion died down, and I finally got to talk to Elijah and he genuinely laughed at my stuttering.

Frodo Baggins laughed at my speech impediment. Sweetness.

Night fell. People in Star Wars costumes paraded up and down the line, including two Darth Vaders, one of whom had a Park Saber, which I got to hold in my hands, albeit briefly. I then found out that the guy who occupied the unoccupied lawn chair discovered the Flaming Lips.

I waited in line for Star Wars next to the guy who discovered the Flaming Lips.

As if that wasn't enough, around 8:00 PM, Sean Astin showed up.

I waited in line for Star Wars next to Frodo Baggins AND Samwise Gamgee.

Granted, about a month earlier at UCLA's Entertainment Night, I sat down at a table and had a lengthy conversation with Sean in which he actually showed me the famous Fellowship tattoo, but that was nothing compared to having the main characters of ONLY THE BIGGEST MOVIE EVER waiting in line right next to you for ONLY THE BIGGEST MOVIE EVER! I got to talk to them both at the same time! I had their full attention! ME!

Amanda told me that she saw another celebrity walking around. She wasn't sure who he was, but she had seen him on TV before. I couldn't find him though.

At 11:30 PM, we entered the theatre greeted by a bunch of storm troopers at the door and found decent seats for such a massive event. Amanda then tapped my shoulder.

"Jon, look at the guy over there behind the person in the Yoda costume. That's the guy I saw walking around earlier!"

I decided to get up and go see who this mysterious celebrity was. I approached him and saw none other than Neil Schweiber from Freaks and Geeks!

"Excuse me. Are you Samm Levine?"

"Yeah."

"Fuckin' A! C-can-can I shake your hand?"

"Sure. Nice to be recognized by name for once."

I WATCHED STAR WARS WITH TWO HOBBITS, THE GUY WHO DISCOVERED THE FLAMING LIPS, AND NEIL FUCKING SCHWEIBER!!!!!1

Could this day possibly get any better?

Giant theatre. Giant screen. Digital projection. Killer soundsystem. My dick vibrated during the asteroid sequence. And to top it all off, I conned this anti-Star Wars fucker Paul into driving out to Hollywood at 2:00 AM and taking us all home like a little bitch chauffeur.

Good times.

One thought on "untitled"

  1. i totally forgot about this post. this is the craziest and the coolest thing you have ever done. hands down, bar none.

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