previously on adamriff.com

rivers cuomo on emo "For the most part, emo is worthless. Pinkerton is worthless. And all of it is gonna die. It's bad music. I really think that. It's just not rock."

and now this

in rolling stone Cuomo is deadly serious about unleashing his inner metalhead, which was, in fact, his outer metalhead as a teenager. In high school, he had long hair (like, down to his nipples) and was obsessed with Metallica, Judas Priest, Kiss and Slayer. But when he moved from Storrs, Connecticut, to Los Angeles after graduation, Cuomo got a job at Tower Records on Sunset Boulevard and started listening to bands like the Pixies and Sonic Youth. Suddenly, he says, "metal seemed kind of dumb, so I consciously repressed it. I still feel like I'm trying to work out that conflict and integrate the music I grew up loving with what I think is cool now."

His newest obsession, he says, is goth. He holds up his hands to show off black fingernail polish, silver rings and leather wrist cuffs. "I never noticed goth before," he says. "But then I got really fascinated with this one girl. A music style just gets wrapped up with the vision of the girl, and it overtakes your consciousness."

i know what yu did last weekend

After spending Easter in Arizona, the Adam Riff™ Media Empire struck back Memorial Day weekend. It was a lot of fun. You should try it sometime.

I've seen WankerCounty Jord and his friends more than I've seen my parents this year.

The job of priests stationed in airports panhandling for starving African children can best be described as "the shit end of the stick." I feel for them like I feel for cops who have to ride bikes or control screaming teenage girls in Times Square.

With the exception of its Navajo region, Arizona does not observe Daylight Saving. Half of the year, the state operates on Mountain time, while the other half it goes by Pacific time. Television, however, is broadcast according to Central time year round. Gosh, I'd hate to live there and suck at math.

A bug bit me right above an artery or a vein (I can't tell) in the middle of my right wrist. Whenever I visit hot places, I get bug bites like whoa. I'm still waiting though for that overnight six-pack and 20/10 vision.

Jord dropped me off at Sky Harbor in the arrivals area.

On the flight back to Los Angeles, the pilot said: "in the event of a water evacuation over the desert…"

Jord's Catholic buddy Steve brought to my attention that the current issue of Teen People features an interview with Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman in which Christensen comes off like an idiot savant, minus the "savant" part. You can read the interview here.


Did you just call me fat?

eminem on piracy of the eminem show "I think that shit is fucking bullshit. Whoever put my shit on the internet, I want to meet that motherfucker and beat the shit out of him, because I picture this scrawny little dickhead going 'I got Eminem's new CD! I got Eminem's new CD! I'm going to put it on the Internet.' I think that anybody who tries to make excuses for that shit is a fucking bitch."

Oh look, he's so scary.

Who appears more comatose in interviews: George Lucas or David Blaine?

the questionable summer movie preview this season's cinema demands attention

06.14 || the dangerous lives of alter boys Jodie Foster plays a one-legged nun who gets targeted for a mean prank by a gang of Catholic schoolboys unhappy with the punishment they received for drawing an offensive comic book.

06.21 || juwanna mann It's like a Mexican saying "you want a man?" — get it? This comedy deals with a down-on-his-luck basketball player who stuffs his shirt and joins the WNBA as female player "Juwanna Mann."

06.21 || lilo and stitch You know those animated movies about wicked, interstellar criminals who appear as cute pets to sweet Hawaiian girls? Here's one of those.

06.28 || pumpkin Sorority sister Christina Ricci falls in love with a "special" athlete and sparks fly all over campus. Sort of like a Freddie Prinze Jr. comedy, except the guy's actually retarded.

07.03 || like mike Lil' Bow Wow stars in this basketball fantasy about a pair of shoes with magical properties, once worn by Michael Jordan. It's based on a Gatorade ad campaign. If you loved Kazaam

07.12 || blue crush Pitched as a kind of Fast and the Furious for female surfers, probably due to shared star Michelle Rodriguez. It depicts two ladies with boards who enter an all-male surfing competition.

07.12 || the crocodile hunter: collision course Collision Course sees gung-ho Aussie zookeeper-cum-animal-wrestler Steve Irwin plopped into a fiction film about a spy satellite that's been swallowed by a wild crocodile. Irwin reportedly improvised all his own dialogue. Oh boy.

07.19 || eight legged freaks David Arquette and Kari Wuhrer fight giant poisonous spiders.

07.19 || halloween: resurrection Undoubtedly jealous that Jason got another movie, Michael Myers returns from the dead to battle Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks.

07.19 || tadpole A precocious kid wins the weird-ass lottery and gets to seduce his stepmother and her girlfriend. Shot on digital video, which means you could make this sort of thing yourself, more or less.

07.26 || the country bears Haley Joel Osment voices an anthropomorphic bear raised by humans, who finally learns that he's not like other kids. So he hooks up with a robotic gigolo and gets frozen in ice for 2000 years and…whoops, wrong movie. He actually learns that his family are the country-music-playing bears immortalized at Disneyland's Country Bear Jamboree, and that he must save them from the evil forces of Christopher Walken.

08.16 || serving sara Matthew Perry gets kooky on a Texas ranch with Elizabeth Hurley while serving her divorce papers from her square-jawed soon-to-be-ex, Bruce Campbell.

08.23 || slap her, she's french Piper Perabo plays a French girl testing the foreign exchange rates in Texas.


I was talking to my friend Shing online one day and she offered me tickets to the midnight screening of Attack of the Clones on opening day at the world famous Grauman's Chinese Theatre. I quickly snapped up six tickets for my friends and I.

On the day of the screening, I skipped class and arrived outside the Chinese at 8:00 AM. I expected the line to be pretty long, seeing as how there were actually people who camped out for several months to see Star Wars at midnight on opening day. To my surprise, the line only went around the corner, so I went around the corner and got in line. Two local news crews were already out interviewing people in line. I tried to focus on catching up with my reading for school, but it's really hard to read Mrs. Dalloway because it's 200 pages of straight text — no chapter or paragraph breaks and almost no dialogue. But I digress.

One reporter interviewed the guy in front of me in line and he got pissed because if he had shown up a minute later, he wouldn't have been interviewed. He then went down the street and bought two lawn chairs. He offered me one of them to sit in. I declined. He was later joined by another guy who decided to occupy the unoccupied lawn chair.

So now then.

I waited and waited and waited some more. A representative from Lego went around the line and gave away Star Wars related Lego merchandise. I got a Star Wars Lego t-shirt. A representative from Disney gave away Reign of Fire and Signs swag. I got a Signs hat. Around noon, a representative from the Burger King nearby went around and handed out free food. The line continued to grow. I met up with Shing and her roommate and Shing's Jedi costume caught the attention of the press and we were interviewed on camera a coupla times.

Then, my invites (who bothered going to class) showed up.

Around 4:00 PM, I was talking to Elizabeth when she interrupted me.

"Oh my God! Look! Isn't that…?"

I turned around and saw ELIJAH WOOD standing right next to me. Apparently, the guys sitting in the lawn chairs were Elijah Wood's friends.

I waited in line for Star Wars next to Frodo Baggins.

Needless to say, soon everyone in line wanted an autograph or a photograph with him and he just sat there and obliged, all the while chain smoking clove cigarettes. Keep in mind that the Chinese has a seating capacity of more than 2,200 people, so this was a lot of fanboys for him to be gratifying. Eventually, the commotion died down, and I finally got to talk to Elijah and he genuinely laughed at my stuttering.

Frodo Baggins laughed at my speech impediment. Sweetness.

Night fell. People in Star Wars costumes paraded up and down the line, including two Darth Vaders, one of whom had a Park Saber, which I got to hold in my hands, albeit briefly. I then found out that the guy who occupied the unoccupied lawn chair discovered the Flaming Lips.

I waited in line for Star Wars next to the guy who discovered the Flaming Lips.

As if that wasn't enough, around 8:00 PM, Sean Astin showed up.

I waited in line for Star Wars next to Frodo Baggins AND Samwise Gamgee.

Granted, about a month earlier at UCLA's Entertainment Night, I sat down at a table and had a lengthy conversation with Sean in which he actually showed me the famous Fellowship tattoo, but that was nothing compared to having the main characters of ONLY THE BIGGEST MOVIE EVER waiting in line right next to you for ONLY THE BIGGEST MOVIE EVER! I got to talk to them both at the same time! I had their full attention! ME!

Amanda told me that she saw another celebrity walking around. She wasn't sure who he was, but she had seen him on TV before. I couldn't find him though.

At 11:30 PM, we entered the theatre greeted by a bunch of storm troopers at the door and found decent seats for such a massive event. Amanda then tapped my shoulder.

"Jon, look at the guy over there behind the person in the Yoda costume. That's the guy I saw walking around earlier!"

I decided to get up and go see who this mysterious celebrity was. I approached him and saw none other than Neil Schweiber from Freaks and Geeks!

"Excuse me. Are you Samm Levine?"


"Fuckin' A! C-can-can I shake your hand?"

"Sure. Nice to be recognized by name for once."


Could this day possibly get any better?

Giant theatre. Giant screen. Digital projection. Killer soundsystem. My dick vibrated during the asteroid sequence. And to top it all off, I conned this anti-Star Wars fucker Paul into driving out to Hollywood at 2:00 AM and taking us all home like a little bitch chauffeur.

Good times.


originally published on WankerCounty as "JCVR: make sure you tell people to go fucking see the movie"

"There is so much Hatorade being drunk out there." – Fred Durst

More than any other film this summer, Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones will be judged — dollar for dollar, review for review — against the AMAZING Spider-Man.


Why couldn't AOTC have come out last year against The Mummy Returns?

While much of the ire at Phantom Menace was directed at Jar Jar Binks, he's not around long enough in AOTC to lope and shuffle his way into true, wholly annoying status. This apparently gave critics ample time to find other things that bugged them about the new movie.


That said, why DON'T we compare it to the AMAZING Spider-Man?

arachno vs. attack-clo
Spider-Man Attack of the Clones
synopsis: norman osborn is a misanthrope synopsis: who wants to kill senator amidala?
tobey maguire's junior-high-school-level acting hayden christensen's junior-high-school-minded character
kirsten dunst shows nipple while fighting bad guys with a purse natalie portman shows belly while fighting bad guys with a hair dryer gun thing
actor who plays lead villain was jesus actor who plays lead villain can be linked to anyone in hollywood in an average of 2.59 steps, three less than kevin bacon
bad guy flies around blowing shit up good and bad guys fly around blowing shit up, and not stupid shit like a military test site or a gondola station but cool shit like asteroids and spacecraft
cult figure vows to fight evil after watching "father" die while another cult figure vows to fight good after watching father die cult figure vows to fight good after watching mother die while another cult figure vows to fight good after watching father die
eight action sequences divided more or less evenly throughout the movie seven action sequences, four in the fourth quarter
fastest movie ever to gross $100 million (three days) and fastest movie ever to gross $200 million (nine days) first movie designed specifically for digital projection, thus handicapping its box office profits
gobby nicks spidey's forearm dooku cuts ani's whole fuckin' arm off
has michigan stank on it has california stank on it
"hero" song gives new meaning to the word "gay" sam jackson gives new meaning to the color purple
"i don't see how that's my problem." [groan] "i call it aggressive negotiations." [groan]
"i want to see spider-man. that looks really good," says christina applegate "i'm more excited about star wars, because star wars and raiders of the lost ark are two of the first movies i fell in love with," says THE ROCK
macy gray lip-synching to one of her songs unparalleled visual effects and sound
memorable appearances by j. j. jameson "memorable" appearances by jar jar binks
peter parker gets the girl with hard work and rejects her anakin gets the girl with little work…and fucks her to the result of two kids!
prominently features no black people did i mention sam jackson already?
relive the movie by buying cell phones, dr. pepper, and reebok shoes relive the movie by eating official star wars cereal and brandishing your very own purple light saber
spidey sense tingles the force whoops your ass

"it's all i have to give."
"don't mess with new york. you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us."
"the itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout. down came the goblin to take the spider out."
"i hate it when he does that"
"i've got a bad feeling about this."
"i've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life."
with great power, comes great responsibility with great power, comes a thursday release date
"you're taller in real life."
"i hunch."
blasted for its ridiculous love story
green goblin yoda
bonesaw yoda
the whole movie YODA

"We'll never see another Star Wars, no matter how much we want to," writes Kenneth Turan in the Los Angeles Times.

Dude, how many sequels re-capture the exact same magic of the first movie? You really think Matrix 3 will rock as hard as the first one? AOTC hits theaters 25 years after A New Hope. Of course it won't be the same! Deal with it. Have a clear conscience. You're gonna see the damn thing anyway.

You know what? Fuck this. Why am I letting critics get to me? These are people who earn money giving opinions, and I'm supposed to respect them? Who can't give an opinion on something? Who can't do that? WHO? Sheeit… Here's an opinion: wastes of life critics are.

In times like these, we can only rely on the judgment of one man, and one man alone. "Attack of the Clones is a lot of fun and there's a lot of great action sequences." God bless you, Richard Roeper.


P. Diddy has been accused of discriminating against clowns by the Clowns of America International Convention.

The accusation follows Diddy's recent confession that he suffers from coulrophobia, a mortal fear of clowns. According to reports, the fear is so intense that Diddy has a clause in his contract barring clowns from being anywhere in the vicinity of a venue where he's performing.

Now Diddy's contract has caused outrage among the American fraternity of clowns. Paul Kleinberger of The Clowns of America International Convention has accused Diddy of discriminating against clowns. Kleinberger, who goes under the performance name Fuddi Duddi, told the New York Post: "That would be like me saying I refuse to entertain with a rapper in the audience."

This dread of clowns also prevented Combs from appearing on a celebrity edition of Fear Factor. A therapist deemed Diddy unsuitable for the show after he repeatedly insisted that he couldn't be exposed to his worst fear – clowns.

shaq packs make me kobe pee

"yo i'm a jedi knight, go on the dark side"

attack of the chode Guess who's seeing Episode II tonight?

………….my friend Paul.

This is the same Paul who said:
Paul: George Lucas can suck it. That little hack.
Paul: The actors he uses are always much better in other movies. That speaks volumes to me.

He interns at KIIS-FM, the local top 40 radio station, and somehow got the hook up.

I know he's seeing the movie just to spite me. He never does anything alone, dependent sumbitch that he is, unless it's something that he thinks will hurt me when I hear about it. Moreover, based on early reviews, it sounds like Episode II kicks (spider) ass, but I know Paul will somehow find a way to put a negative spin on things, no pun intended. [sigh] I tire of his unrequited competitiveness.

I love Star Wars. (Go ahead and groan. I love wrestling too. Groan groan groan.)
I've waited three years for a new Star Wars movie.
My pants get crustier every day as May 16 approaches.
That's all I ask.

To think, I agreed to share an apartment with this guy next year. I'm starting to reconsider. Here's to living alone.

episode II tour 2002 confirmed dates:
05.16 + 12:01 AM @ world famous Grauman's Chinese Theatre
05.16 + 7:00 PM @ world famous Fox Village Theatre
05.17 + 7:30 PM @ world famous Fox Village Theatre
05.18 + 7:30 PM @ world famous Fox Village Theatre
more to be announced

Episode II plays 24/7 opening week at the Village. How cool would it be to see the movie at 3:30 AM or 8:30 AM?

asian stickboy I make sub-par projects for my "creative authoring for the world wide web" class. Best viewed in full screen.

radio station concert calendar
This is a div project. I recently updated it.

color code
This is a linked image project I made as a "fuck you" to this black girl in the class who's all about her African heritage. She only visits websites about African shit and only makes websites about African shit. Sheeit… Wait six seconds (stupid "refresh" code requirement) and click the links to enjoy.

This is a frames project that suffers because of a slow server. Oh well.

go capitalism! I bought the WWE Wrestlemania X8 2-DVD set at Best Buy for $19.99.

doctor doom, a man of science, doesn't believe in jesus – why the fuck do you?


spider-man redux Okay, people. Stop messaging me about how much you loved Spider-Man. I never said I didn't enjoy the movie. I said I was disappointed by what could have been if Sony had spent more time on the screenplay and visual effects. If I hated the movie, I wouldn't have gone back to see it two more times this past weekend.

On Saturday, two beach balls flew around inside the theater as "pre-show entertainment." Stupid management soon confiscated them though.

Before the movie, a commercial for AOL Moviefone starring Johnny Bravo and the Powerpuff Girls aired in which they use an AOL browser to search for showtimes and tickets to The Powerpuff Girls Movie and Scooby-Doo. Of course, AOL Time Warner owns all the aforementioned properties. God bless corporate synergy.

Poor Harry Osborn. Nobody ever tells him anything.

paul On Friday, I saw Spider-Man with my pro-Spider-Man anti-Star Wars friend Paul. Unsurprisingly, he loved the movie and wouldn't stop gushing about it after the screening.


Paul: Spider-Man will be nominated for "best visual effects" next year, but Lord of the Rings will win.

Ouch. That hurts. He went out of his way to push my buttons. When I tried to rebut, he quickly cut me off.

Paul: [yelling] Jonathan Yu, I'm sick and tired of hearing your bullshit! I know more than you think I do!

I gave up.

Jon: Look. You're obviously biased about Spider-Man and I'm biased about Star Wars. Let's just leave it at that.

one minute later

Paul: I saw Life as a House. I wasn't impressed with Hayden Christensen's performance. He can't act.

[sigh] I'm gonna eat it big time if Episode II sucks.

2k3some Jord gave me permission to post on wankercounty all I want, so I'm-a split my time now between this site and that in order to help alleviate their content drought. Plus, I really like using the WC posting program. Makes me feel less Amish.

tony fader is my hero 4

"forehead subject to zoning laws in 38 states"

rivers cuomo on emo "For the most part, emo is worthless. Pinkerton is worthless. And all of it is gonna die. It's bad music. I really think that. It's just not rock."

jon yu on rivers cuomo "You fucking hypocrite."

bug bites In the wake of the Spider-Man movie release, I recently spoke with other people who have been bitten by insects and subsequently become superheroes.

Jon: Hello.
Jon: Who are you?
"I am Moth-Man."
Jon: I take it a radioactive moth bit you.
Moth-Man: Yes.
Jon: What are your superpowers?
Moth-Man: I'm psychic.
Jon: Really? Okay then… What am I holding in my hand?
Moth-Man: Chapstick!
Jon: Wow. You're good.

Jon: Hello.
Jon: Who are you?
"I am the Scorpion King."
Jon: So, Scorpion-Man…
Scorpion King: It's Scorpion King. I didn't stand alone before the fury of his armies to be called Man, thank you very much.

Jon: Hey, aren't you Evander Holyfield?

Jon: Hello.
Jon: Who are you?
"I am Termite-Man."
Jon: And what, pray tell, do you do?
Termite-Man: Um…I…eat wood.
Jon: You…eat wood.
Termite-Man: Correct.
Jon: Tell me, do you ever get together with Ladybug-Man? Hahahahahaha.
Termite-Man: Shtup!
Jon: I hear Cockroach-Man's looking for a good time. Hahahahahaha.

Jon: Hello.
Jon: Who are you?
"I am Wasp-Man."
Bodyguard: Mr. Ashcroft, the press room's over here!
John: Oh. Why doesn't anybody tell me these things?

in my life When a wrestler applies a hold on another wrestler, lifts the victim up, and falls backward, dropping the victim, we call it a suplex. When a wrestler suplexes another wrestler off the top rope of a ring, we call it a superplex. Someday, I want 1996 Olympic gold medalist in freestyle wrestling Kurt Angle to superplex me off an aquatic center high dive platform.

mark twain in the adventures of huckleberry finn I don't know why I find the following passage so amusing:

"Do you reckon that nigger would blow on us? We'd skin him if he done that!"

"How can he blow? Hain't he run off?"

"No! That old fool sold him, and never divided with me, and the money's gone."

"Sold him?" I says, and begun to cry; "why, he was my nigger, and that was my money. Where is he? – I want my nigger."

"Well, you can't get your nigger, that's all – so dry up your blubbering. Looky here – do you think you'd venture to blow on us? Blamed if I think I'd trust you. Why if you was to blow on us—"

He stopped, but I never see the duke look so ugly out of his eyes before. I went on a-whimpering, and says:

"I don't want to blow on nobody; and I ain't got no time to blow, nohow. I got to turn out and find my nigger."

He looked kinder bothered, and stood there with his bills fluttering on his arm, thinking, and wrinkling up his forehead. At last he says:

"I'll tell you something. We got to be here three days. If you'll promise you won't blow, and won't let the nigger blow, I'll tell you where to find him."

main event I had to one-up Mr. Bruno.

How do I do it? I dunno. I just a-do it.

"The first 300 people to show up at the Mann Village Theater in Westwood will receive a Spider-Man t-shirt and a raffle ticket. 50 lucky winners will get to attend the screening of the movie. Bleacher seating will be available so that you can watch stars as they arrive at the premiere."

I came late. I saw Stan Lee. I conquered.

Turns out there was no raffle. A security guard just distributed laminated passes to whoever was nearby and luckily, I was nearby.

Before that though, Sony forced me to put up with two hours of fans in the bleachers going TRL apeshit for celebrities on the red carpet while I tried to read Huck Finn. Jennifer Love Hewitt, the boy from Jerry Maguire, Matthew Perry, Leann Rimes, Danny Trejo, Tyrese, Mario Van Peebles and The Bachelor. How do these people get invited to the Spider-Man premiere?

the spider house rules I was disappointed. I'm sure a lot of people will enjoy it, but I found myself bored at times watching the most anticipated movie of the year. Spider-Man is a Sam Raimi melodrama — tearjerker sentiment mixed with B-movie production — and I can't stand campy melodrama.

CGI is the movie's gift; it is its curse.

Tobey Maguire has the range of the Dell computer guy.

How does Willem Dafoe go from playing Jesus to dressing like a Power Ranger and spewing dialogue like "time to die" and "the itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout, down came the Goblin who took the spider out"?

Nice to see Sony, Dr. Pepper and Cingular Wireless prominently displayed in the movie. Not so nice to see Macy Gray. Singing, no less.

Hooray for the kickass wrestling sequence. Macho Man Randy Savage goes one-on-one with Tobey Maguire in a cage match featuring some crazy chairshots and Bruce Campbell as the announcer. Good shit.

The action sequences are generally fun, though repetitive. You'd think you would never tire of seeing a guy in red-and-blue jammies sailing around the New York skyline on self-made spider tethers. But it does get old.

There's also a redundancy about the fights between Spider-Man and the Green Goblin. Every few minutes, Gobby turns up to bellow at Spidey, lob a grenade or two and trade punches. The lack of a dastardly scheme of mass destruction or conquest makes the Green Goblin more of a nuisance than a menace.

The film well establishes the comic books' conflict between Harry Osborn and Spider-Man for the sequel. I expect the Hobgoblin and Venom as the villains in the second movie.

Spider-Man hits theaters almost halfway between The Scorpion King and Attack of the Clones for good reason. Quality-wise, it's somewhere between The Scorpion King and Attack of the Clones.

go capitalism! I went to the Giant Robot store. So much cool shit. I wish I could buy the whole store. Instead, I bought the Shaolin Soccer DVD (all region code) for $27.99. Fun movie. Miramax will release it in North American theaters next year.

I bought the Hives album Veni Vidi Vicious at Best Buy for $6.99.

I bought a ticket to see Finch and The Starting Line at the Troubadour on May 21 for $10.00.

I bought student tickets to see Spider-Man again on May 3 and 4 for $7.50 each. The trailer for The Hulk awaits.