"livin' libido loco"

Joe: know any good porn stars?
Rory: uhhh
Rory: i don't look at porn
Joe: WHAAAAAT?!@#$%^
Joe: are you gay or something?
Rory: no
Rory: it's just useless to me
Rory: i have no sex drive
Rory: never have
Rory: never will

Has anyone seen my libido? I think my career-oriented mind threw it away when I was little. At my age, I should be preoccupied with deviant sexual behavior like fisting, kickfucking and felching, NOT my future! Eunuchs have more fulfilling sex lives than I do. [sigh] Never been kissed, but know how to file taxes. Hooray for me.

Howard: we did a survey
Howard: only 70 percent of guys admit to masturbating
Rory: you don't believe that?
Howard: no
Rory: 70% is a lot
Howard: nah
Howard: teenage males?
Rory: when you have mormons in the world
Rory: yeah!
Howard: i kinda believe the 18% for girls
Rory: girls mostly take showers nowadays
Howard: i guess i just get a distorted perspective jacking off 2 times a day…
Howard: i'm masturbating for two
Rory: wow
Rory: 14 times a week?!
Howard: wow
Howard: i never thought of it that way
Rory: are you serious?
Howard: depends on the week
Howard: certainly over the summer
Rory: and what is a bad week?
Rory: 9 times?
Rory: jesus ranch
Rory: i think maybe it's just you
Howard: maybe
Rory: with the 70%
Howard: or you are just
Howard: asexual
Rory: ok mister
Rory: how much do i need to jerk?
Rory: what is par for the course?
Rory: enlighten me
Howard: 5 times a week
Howard: i have friends who get like 5 plus a DAY
Howard: but they all smoke weed
Howard: so
Howard: uh
Rory: shit
Rory: in that case
Rory: i'm 6 under par
Rory: …and totally clean