glass breaking

"a middle finger to the institution"

My friend Paul absolutely hates Star Wars movies. Something about bad acting and bad dialogue. Note that the last movie he willingly saw was an Indian movie called Lagaan.

Yes, Star Wars movies have quite a few flaws, but I still enjoy them (even The Phantom Menace)…because they're FUN.

Paul really wants to see Spider-Man. He's worried though that Kirsten Dunst's acting skills will be woefully misused in the movie.

I also really wanna see Spider-Man, but I really wanna see Attack of the Clones MORE.

A few days ago in a galaxy far far away, Paul and I went to war on AIM.

Paul: George Lucas can suck it. That little hack.
Paul: The actors he uses are always much better in other movies. That speaks volumes to me.

Only a completely depraved individual could say such things. He then proceeded to discuss the importance of good acting and his refusal to see The Scorpion King precisely because it lacked this so-called "good acting."

[shakes head]

Reaching into my passive-aggressive bag of tricks, I decided to take his comments out of context and put them in my AIM profile along with some never-before-seen material.

Paul: George Lucas can suck it. That little hack.
Paul: The actors he uses are always much better in other movies. That speaks volumes to me.
Rory: Okay, are you sure you aren't gay?
[sigh] send out the virgin hunters

The last line was Jord's idea.

Little did I realize that people actually look at profiles. Paul soon messaged to chew me out for twisting his words. Oh no! I'm shaking… No stranger to silly feuds (see: high school, Telcobox), I strung him along to see how much I could aggravate him. Good times.

Paul: http://www.spidermanhype.com
Paul: Take that, bitch!
Paul: If you can pull yourself away from Lucas' dick long enough.
Paul: Tell me, which of his balls hangs lower, the left or the right?
Paul: :-D
Rory: actually
Rory: they both sag pretty low
Rory: kinda like your tits
Paul: Touche.
Paul: But not as low as George's tits.
Rory: hey
Rory: he's old…
Paul: but you'd still fuck him.
Rory: in a heartbeat
Paul: "Robert, Steven, meet my new bitch, Jon.
Paul: Jon's VERY good.
Paul: Aren't you, Jon?"
Paul: [George yanks on leash]
Paul: [Jon whimpers, then nods incessantly]
Rory: oh now you've gone and done it
Rory: blasphemous!
Paul: Don't fuck with me, Jon.
Paul: You don't know what you're up against.
Rory: well, if you'd just step outta the closet for a second, maybe i'd be able to get a better look at you
Rory: =P
Paul: You first, Jon. I insist.
Paul: :-P
Rory: ok
Rory: let's use simple logic
Paul: Oh, so you ARE gay, then? I was just getting dressed.
Rory: sam raimi has made (what?) three movies in his entire career?
Paul: With that logic,
Paul: all first pictures suck.
Rory: EXACTLY <--- typed with The Phantom Menace in mind
Paul: That's BULLSHIT!
Paul: Two words: AMERICAN GRAFFITI.
Paul: Suck on that, you prick.
Rory: uhhhh
Rory: that was lucas' second film
Paul: God, you are such a dork.
Paul: If you wanna play that way,
Rory: i believe his first film was THX 1138
Paul: then student films count.
Paul: That's not fair.
Paul: Of course you'd suck in film school!
Paul: That's why you're there!
Paul: So you'd no longer suck!
Rory: ok
Rory: let's try something else
Paul: OK, fine.
Rory: what's to say that both films won't do equally well?
Rory: and won't be equally good?
Paul: YOU'RE the one who started this competition shit, not me.
Rory: that is true
Paul: I'd love to see them both do equally well.
Rory: well, ok then
Rory: we'll see spider-man
Rory: and we'll see AOTC
Rory: court is adjourned
Paul: And neither one of us was found in contempt?
Paul: Amazing!
Paul: And why do you get to be the judge, all of a sudden?
Paul: That's so typical of you.
Rory: ok. you can be the judge.
Paul: No! You're the prosecution, and I'm the defense.
Paul: Like I said, YOU started it.
Rory: wait
Rory: you're defending "spider-man" right?
Paul: And my heterosexuality, among other things.
Paul: May I reiterate that you came out swinging with,
Paul: "I hope it sucks."
Rory: WHEN?
Paul: "I want it to fail."
Rory: hahahahaha
Rory: when did i say that?
Paul: Last night, preceding my "George Lucas is a hack" comment.
Paul: Since you showed aggression first, in your trademark passive-aggressive way,
Paul: you are counsel, and I am public defender.
Rory: roight
Paul: And I'm praying for a hung jury.
Paul: But on the homo count, not guilty.
Paul: And I want damages.
Paul: Upwards of $2.3 million dollars.
Paul: That sounds fair.
Paul: ;-)
Rory: oh yes. you WOULD be praying for a hung jury.
Rory: lol
Paul: Oh, I'd slap with you with slander soooo quick…
Paul: but technically, this is all written,
Paul: so it'd be libel…
Rory: yes
Paul: You couldn't even insult me to my face.
Rory: i'm well trained
Rory: in the arts of distant libel
Paul: That's so cowardly, Jon.
Rory: but see
Rory: why would i insult you to your face?
Rory: that would be mean of me
Rory: and i'm not like that
Paul: Oh, and the profile wasn't mean. Gotcha.
Paul: Unbelievable.

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