godspeed through texas, faggot

"gleemonex blues"

If you didn't know already, Vince McMahon is one of my heroes (see the latest portal), and today, I'm-a emulate him and change and drop content angles without any explanation.

So now then.

No more Stupid Little Oscar® Game 5.

No more reviews.

Moving on…

Fuck the state of Ohio. I say Pac-10 all the way, although I did enjoy UNC Wilmington's rape of the collective USC ego. Poor Sam Clancy will never win a championship, but it's okay. He can take comfort in his 1.9 GPA. Anyway, with Arizona, Oregon and Stanford all winning their games, I'm optimistic about the chances of our conference. Pac-10 tourney champ Arizona plays 11th-seeded Wyoming on Saturday instead of stupid Gonzaga, so they should at least be able to advance to the Sweet 16, and if inconsistent UCLA can defeat number one Kansas, then so can Stanford. In other news, I still hate Duke and the Miami Hurricanes should stick to football.

I have had it with my computer cooling fan. For the past six months, I have banged and banged on the plastic fucker and it simply refuses to be quiet. Imagine listening to a VCR rewind all fucking day long. I would replace it except that HP built my computer all weird and used this fan that you can only buy in China or something. Goddammit…

I hate it when you get a soda from a vending machine and it's warm because the machine was just restocked.

Next Friday, a special 20th anniversary edition of Steven Spielberg's "masterpiece" E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial hits theaters with never before seen footage, a remastered soundtrack, and enhanced visual effects. Yes, E.T. phones home once again…this time with 1-800-COLLECT. Save a buck or two! Among the modifications to the film, Spielberg improved the way E.T. voices his famous line "E.T. phone home" by digitally matching the creature's lips to the words. He also lengthened the Halloween sequence and changed a scene in which Elliot's mom forbids him to go trick-or-treating dressed as a terrorist. Instead, the mom now bars him from going out dressed as a hippie. Purists might also cringe at the thought of Spielberg lopping off Elliot's infamous "penis breath" insult to his brother. Moreover, in the original, the feds in pursuit of Elliot and E.T. carried shotguns. Now they wield walkie-talkies.

I turn 20 this year.

I think I'm-a make a special edition of myself for my 20th anniversary too. I'll enhance my visual effects with the help of steroids and a plastic surgeon, maybe get him to add some never before seen footage to my dick. I'll stop making penis jokes and adopt a fake British accent to charm the masses into protesting the use of two-way pagers in the search for that peaceful loving flower child Osama Bin Laden.

Look for the born-again Jon Yu in theaters October 6, 2002.

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