research and successful drug policy shows that treatment should be increased

"transmitido en SAP"

Every morning.

Every FUCKIN' morning.

Jon: Can I have eggs, pancakes, potatoes and sausage?
Cafeteria Lady: If you smile…

"If you smile…" The fuck is that bullshit? You're a fuckin' cafeteria lady! Shut the fuck up and give me my fuckin' food, goddammit!

And now this.

Jon: Can I have eggs, pancakes, potatoes and sausage?
Cafeteria Lady: I'm only gonna give you one sausage 'cause you not smiling…

What. The. Fuck.

What if I don't wanna smile? What if I'm not a smiling person? And even if I was, you're in no position to tell me to smile! You work in food service! Your job is to SERVE me!

Gimme my fuckin' sausage, bitch!!!

"If you smile…"

Ugh. You're lucky our society frowns upon domestic violence else I'd have ripped out your intestines to eat by now.

How to Kill Your Neighbor's Dog day.

Playwright Peter McGowan finds that his luck has finally run out. He becomes an insomniac (made worse by the neighbor's dog barking all night long), his recent plays bombed, and his relationship with his wife needs work. Slowly, things change for the better.

Like a really funnah Frank Capra movie.

Jon: Let's go live now via cable modem to Salt Lake City.

Rory: …so then I'm all "how bout some sucky fucky?" and she's all [pause] Oh. Are we on? Shit. Hey Jon!
Jon: Hello.
Rory: Uhhh… What's shakin'?
Jon: Look Hornblower, I'm exhausted. Let's just go straight to the piece today.
Rory: Aight. Throughout the years, French, English and the host country's language have been the only languages used in Olympic competition. This year, however, in a nod to the German roots of the Olympic sliding sports luge, bobsled and skeleton, German joined French and English to describe Olympic competition, marking an exception to a once-unbreakable IOC rule.
Jon: Okay.
Rory: In order to get some perspective on this unprecedented move, I spoke with "zee jhurmins" who won the gold medal in the two-man bobsled event this past weekend. Roll the footage.

Das Booty Call

Rory: I'm here at the Utah Olympic Park with the German bobsleigh…sled…sleigher…bobsl…the guys who just won the gold medal in the two-man bobsled event. Congratulations, fellas.
?: Danke.
Rory: What are your names?
?: I'm Christoph.
?: I'm Markus.
Rory: And you want to pump [clap] me up! Haha.
Christoph and Markus: …
Rory: It must feel good to finally win the gold after losing to the Canadians, of all people, at Nagano in 1998 and having to settle for bronze there.
Markus: Yes. I am very happy. I cannot wait to SIEG HEIL!
Rory: Excuse me?
Markus: [cough] I said I cannot wait to SEEE HOWWW mein people respond when we return home.
Rory: Ah. Hey, what do you guys think about the Olympic Committee adding German to the short list of official Olympic languages?
Christoph: I appreciate it, but I do not believe adding German is enough. The Olympics are supposed to unite the countries of the world, and the Committee's stubborn insistence on using fuhrer, er, fewer languages does not do justice to what the Olympic rings represent.
Markus: He's reich, you know…
Christoph: Scheiss! The way I see it, we could do the Olympics a big favor by cleansing the Earth of those who do not speak English, French or German. It would not be difficult, mein fuhrer! Auschwitz their heads!
[long pause]
Rory: I gotta go.

Fin

Jon: Rory Hornblower…scared of "zee juhrmins"? Wow.
Rory: Shut it.
Jon: I'm shocked! Haha. Anyway, we'll check back in with you later. I'm about to die of sleep deprivation. Rory Hornblower at the Olympics, everybody.

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