"check this out" Barber: What'll it be for you today? Jon: Gimme a bad haircut. Barber: I'm sorry. Did you just say that you wanted a bad haircut? Jon: Yes. I worry that people might not understand what I've tried to be, and if I…
Date Archives January 2002
the geoffrey arend paradigm
"cat in the jimmy hat" A Jew, a homosexual, the Pope, two black guys, a Puerto Rican, and an Italian grandmother walk into a bar. The bartender is a deaf Chinaman who can only understand Swedish sign language. Everybody sits down, when all of a…
heavens no, hell yeah
"now in limbo" November 2001: sis•qó/'sis-koh n. 1: diminutive, formerly platinum-haired, thong-celebrating one-hit wonder : SWEETMEAT 2: purportedly popular derogatory euphemism for those suspected of being homosexual. Often attrib Eminem's group, D12, who dodged GLAAD's ire (but could earn Def Jam's) by switching from the…
the ballad of noam chomsky
"too much reading" "These are the years that you're supposed to go fuckin' wild, blame it all on your parents or society, not have to suffer consequences. Have unprotected sex. Go do drugs. Smoke cigarettes. Drink alcohol. Watch porno. Rent porno movies. Get porno magazines….
i got my own beef with the po-po
"word, dawg" 4 a beautiful mind re: mathematical genius john nash, diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic, triumphs over his tragedy, and goes on to win a nobel prize for his work on game theory jon says: more like a waste of mind. basically, i paid $9…
there's a wild fandango loose in the theater
"rawr" This is Bob. This is David. Together, they are… Bob and David Who are Bob and David? Well, Bob Odenkirk and David Cross are the men behind pay television's funniest sketch comedy show ever. This was the show that gave birth to Tenacious D….
frontier psychiatrist
"confessions of a kleptomaniac" J.R. said that my site is his "freaking bible." Eh… After today's post, he might want to reconsider what he said. I had to do an assignment on "times I broke the rules" for my screenwriting class, and I'd like to…
solitary poor nasty brutish and short
"caution: sucky post ahead" "Discover the world of young people who dress up in furry costumes and get off on it." I couldn't believe it either, but MTV actually has a special on people who get turned on by stuffed animals and/or dressing as big…
all i want is hell on earth
"join me…or die!" Ronald McDonald upon hearing the news Well, at least he died of cancer and not a heart attack, because the last thing I want right now is to feed the fire of those stupid fuckin' health nuts who insist that fast food…
christmas card from a hooker in minneapolis
"dolphin-safe" The following is a public service announcement. Attention male America: pull up your fucking pants Pants slightly too big and don't have a belt? That's fine. However, I'm sick and tired of seeing these kids with their pants deliberately around their lower thighs…especially when…