christmas card from a hooker in minneapolis

"dolphin-safe"

The following is a public service announcement.


Attention male America:
pull up your fucking pants

Pants slightly too big and don't have a belt? That's fine. However, I'm sick and tired of seeing these kids with their pants deliberately around their lower thighs…especially when they're wearing a belt! And then there are the geniuses who inexplicably sag pants that have elastic waistbands or sag shorts so they look like pants. What. The. Fuck. Let me break it down for all you retards: the underwear goes INSIDE the pants. That's why it's called under-FUCKIN'-wear! I don't know about you, but I like to wear my pants, not sit on them. Why anybody would pay full price to wear half a pair of pants is beyond me. The only time your pants should be that low is when you're jackin' off.

Sheeit

I updated the periodic table. While The Marked Fool and Absent-Minded are on holiday, go gawk at #13 Foul Magazine (J.R. says it's "NOICE") and #31 Hamster Style, which, according to Adam, should re-launch Tuesday.

"I have a proposition: I think if white people are going to burn down black churches, then black people ought to burn down the House of Blues. What a disgrace that place is. The House of Blues. You know what they ought to call it? The House of Lame White Motherfuckers! Inauthentic, low-frequency, lame white motherfuckers." – George Carlin

8
lovage with ugly duckling @ house of blues sunset strip
re: dan "the automator," kid koala, faith no more's mike patton, and elysian fields' jennifer charles play music to make love to your old lady by…live
jon says: dan "the automator" lords over a twisted sexual menagerie of cigarettes, deuce bigalow: male gigolo, exercise videos, fake orgasms, sleepwear, spider-man costumes, thongs, wine, and the x-rated movie lady chatterly's lover. what more could you ask for? a killer gender-swapping cover of "i'm real (remix)" with jennifer doing ja rule's part and mike channeling j. lo — that's what. minus points though for opening night recurring mic feedback
rory says: eric san is my hero

on stage in his pajamas, my boy burned serious vinyl, first rockin' the house with a 20-minute solo set of dance music culminating in sir mix-a-lot's "baby got back" and then rockin' the house with lovage
bonus: after the show, we were waiting for the bus to come when hugh hefner walked right past us, inebriated and accompanied by five well-endowed blond women

Blade II screening Tuesday, A Clockwork Orange Egyptian Theatre screening Saturday, and The Mothman Prophecies screening Monday. Life is good.

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